Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Friday, July 18, 2014
The Financial Burdens of Living in the Maritimes
Exactly a year ago, my husband was offered a term teaching contract in Nova Scotia. He had spent the previous few years supply teaching and working full-time at a call centre in New Brunswick, so we took the chance that the term might lead to a permanent contract, and packed up our family and headed to Nova Scotia. It was a big risk, selling our house, leaving our friends and family...but we had struggled for years and felt this was our best chance in him finally having a career.
Last month, he had to apply for his own job, since it was posted this year as a permanent position, and compete with other applicants. Thankfully, he was the most qualified and finally earned a spot as a permanent teacher. Relief.
Relief for him, and financially for our family, but now what do I do? Nova Scotia is an expensive province. Gas costs more, food costs more, housing costs more and daycare costs more. So, I am stuck with a major dilemma. Do I put my three kids in daycare, work for close to minimum wage and possibly clear $200 a month? Or do I work evenings, avoid daycare, but still only work for close to minimum wage and miss evenings with my family five times a week? Neither option is ideal...far from it.
I can't help but feel that we live in a system that sets us up to fail. The Universal Childcare Benefit was created to help offset daycare expense, but why then is it paid out to each and every family, even those who do not use or require daycare? Why is it not put directly into the daycares, subsidizing the expense for those who require the service?
With one decent income, my husband's, and one pathetic one, mine, we pay our basic bills and can afford our groceries, but there is nothing left for debt repayment. Nothing left to pay off my husband's student loans and certainly nothing left for anything "fun". How are people surviving financially here? Oh that's right...they're not. They're all moving out West.
Unless you're a doctor, dentist, lawyer, or something similarly paid, you don't stand a chance of thriving financially in the Maritimes. Your life will be full in many ways by living here, but you need money to sustain that life.
What a sad, sad thing that the government cares so little about its people that they make minimum wage so low that no viable life is possible. It's almost as if they want us to depend on them more and end up on social assistance and employment insurance. I made more money on maternity leave than I can working 40 hours a week and paying out daycare. That is a sad statement. No wonder some women keep popping out babies. The more babies you have, the more funding the government gives you. They are more interested in the resulting pay cheque than in the resulting human being. Heart breaking, but true.
For the average, hard working person, life is financially very difficult. No wonder many people on social assistance aren't motivated to go back to work. They make more out of work. I struggle processing that a person can make more by doing nothing than by working themselves ragged. What kind of system is this?!
I know I am not alone in my frustrations. Many of my friends are in the same situation. Some are choosing to head out West, others are trying to tough it out here as long as they can bare it...but eventually, will we all have to abandon the Maritimes? What can be done to fix this mess? A new Prime Minister would probably be a good start, but then what?
I would love to hear your solution to this giant mess. Comment welcomed!
Last month, he had to apply for his own job, since it was posted this year as a permanent position, and compete with other applicants. Thankfully, he was the most qualified and finally earned a spot as a permanent teacher. Relief.
Relief for him, and financially for our family, but now what do I do? Nova Scotia is an expensive province. Gas costs more, food costs more, housing costs more and daycare costs more. So, I am stuck with a major dilemma. Do I put my three kids in daycare, work for close to minimum wage and possibly clear $200 a month? Or do I work evenings, avoid daycare, but still only work for close to minimum wage and miss evenings with my family five times a week? Neither option is ideal...far from it.
I can't help but feel that we live in a system that sets us up to fail. The Universal Childcare Benefit was created to help offset daycare expense, but why then is it paid out to each and every family, even those who do not use or require daycare? Why is it not put directly into the daycares, subsidizing the expense for those who require the service?
With one decent income, my husband's, and one pathetic one, mine, we pay our basic bills and can afford our groceries, but there is nothing left for debt repayment. Nothing left to pay off my husband's student loans and certainly nothing left for anything "fun". How are people surviving financially here? Oh that's right...they're not. They're all moving out West.
Unless you're a doctor, dentist, lawyer, or something similarly paid, you don't stand a chance of thriving financially in the Maritimes. Your life will be full in many ways by living here, but you need money to sustain that life.
What a sad, sad thing that the government cares so little about its people that they make minimum wage so low that no viable life is possible. It's almost as if they want us to depend on them more and end up on social assistance and employment insurance. I made more money on maternity leave than I can working 40 hours a week and paying out daycare. That is a sad statement. No wonder some women keep popping out babies. The more babies you have, the more funding the government gives you. They are more interested in the resulting pay cheque than in the resulting human being. Heart breaking, but true.
For the average, hard working person, life is financially very difficult. No wonder many people on social assistance aren't motivated to go back to work. They make more out of work. I struggle processing that a person can make more by doing nothing than by working themselves ragged. What kind of system is this?!
I know I am not alone in my frustrations. Many of my friends are in the same situation. Some are choosing to head out West, others are trying to tough it out here as long as they can bare it...but eventually, will we all have to abandon the Maritimes? What can be done to fix this mess? A new Prime Minister would probably be a good start, but then what?
I would love to hear your solution to this giant mess. Comment welcomed!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
A Good Karma Kind of Day!
My Mom and I were out for a walk when we saw a "FREE" sign on a really great desk. My son has been asking for a desk for two years now...so we crossed the street to check it out. We ended up chatting with two extremely nice girls. Their mother had just passed away from lung cancer (she wasn't even a smoker!), and they were left with her home full of things to distribute, sell, donate, etc. After a really lovely chat, they gave us a desk, a printer, 2 space heaters, a rug and some kitchen things. They were especially thrilled at how happy my son was to build Lego at his new desk. They wanted nothing in return...so I gave them wine. They were ecstatic! They said their mother would be so happy that her things went to such nice people. It was a touching experience.
Later today, I happened to meet a man and his family who had just come in from a fishing excursion and he had caught a big cod. Being a visitor to the area, he didn't have a place to cook, or freeze, his catch. So, without a thought in my head, I offered to cook it for him. He was reluctant to accept without payment, but I assured him that we, myself and my husband, were happy to help. We even delivered the final product to him at the hotel they were staying at. When we arrived, he gifted us with a lovely bottle of wine. What a nice surprise!
There was a lot of good karma going around today. Had to share!
Later today, I happened to meet a man and his family who had just come in from a fishing excursion and he had caught a big cod. Being a visitor to the area, he didn't have a place to cook, or freeze, his catch. So, without a thought in my head, I offered to cook it for him. He was reluctant to accept without payment, but I assured him that we, myself and my husband, were happy to help. We even delivered the final product to him at the hotel they were staying at. When we arrived, he gifted us with a lovely bottle of wine. What a nice surprise!
There was a lot of good karma going around today. Had to share!
Thursday, June 26, 2014
From SAHM to WAM
"You don't know what you've got til it's gone"-No song lyrics were ever more true than these.
About two months ago, I re-entered the workforce (I am now a work-away-mom, aka WAM) after being off for 18 months with my youngest daughter and off the 12 months prior to that, having gone back to school. MAN, did I have it good before!
Every day, I got up with the kids, got them off to school and then did errands with my youngest. We went for walks, played, checked the mail, did some laundry, got groceries, made meals...life was so much simpler. Now, being back to work full-time evenings, there seems to be less and less time to get anything/everything done, and for the first time since my kids were born, I'm missing things. I missed my kids get all fancy for a school dance. I missed my daughter's dress rehearsal for her recital. I missed my son's field trip, that I would have chaperoned...I know these things may sounds like little events in their lives, but in the past I was there...for everything.
My husband thinks the kids have adjusted seamlessly to my working evenings. Is that why they're always fighting now? Is that why my son looks like he might cry when he occasionally drops off supper to me at work? Is working for minimum wage really worth all of this?? UGH! Stupid bills. Stupid money.
My husband has had to step up and take over some of my daily tasks. He now makes supper some nights, not all because often I make it before I leave for work. He does bath time a couple of times a week. He folds the occasional load of laundry, but only if I ask...at least twice. By the time I get home, he's exhausted and wonders how I managed all that I did, every single day of life. I think it has been good in getting him to appreciate me a little more...but he's no Mommy...or so my kids tell me.
I guess I'm having a little pity party for myself tonight... I just love my kids so much and should have valued the time off more than I did. I don't think I realized what a privilege it was having not missed anything my sons first 8 years of life, my daughters 6 first years and my littlest daughter's first 18 months.
Sometimes I plain and simply couldn't see past the meltdowns, temper tantrums and poopy diapers. I dwelled too much on what laundry for five people looks like or how many times a day I would have to pick up hair elastics on the floor or find socks stuffed into the couch. I got way too caught up how often I swept up dog hair, tidied baby toys or packed school lunches. Stay at home moms have the best, and most important, job in the world! If only it were easier, financially, to stay home.
To all the SAHMs who bother to read this; You will never regret having been there for your kids. You will never regret being able to say that you were there for each and every moment that mattered. I know staying home isn't glamorous. I know your kids can drive you insane...but cherish every moment, because one day, you too may have to go back to work...and I assure you, working full-time and being a mommy full-time is even less glamorous.
About two months ago, I re-entered the workforce (I am now a work-away-mom, aka WAM) after being off for 18 months with my youngest daughter and off the 12 months prior to that, having gone back to school. MAN, did I have it good before!
Every day, I got up with the kids, got them off to school and then did errands with my youngest. We went for walks, played, checked the mail, did some laundry, got groceries, made meals...life was so much simpler. Now, being back to work full-time evenings, there seems to be less and less time to get anything/everything done, and for the first time since my kids were born, I'm missing things. I missed my kids get all fancy for a school dance. I missed my daughter's dress rehearsal for her recital. I missed my son's field trip, that I would have chaperoned...I know these things may sounds like little events in their lives, but in the past I was there...for everything.
My husband thinks the kids have adjusted seamlessly to my working evenings. Is that why they're always fighting now? Is that why my son looks like he might cry when he occasionally drops off supper to me at work? Is working for minimum wage really worth all of this?? UGH! Stupid bills. Stupid money.
My husband has had to step up and take over some of my daily tasks. He now makes supper some nights, not all because often I make it before I leave for work. He does bath time a couple of times a week. He folds the occasional load of laundry, but only if I ask...at least twice. By the time I get home, he's exhausted and wonders how I managed all that I did, every single day of life. I think it has been good in getting him to appreciate me a little more...but he's no Mommy...or so my kids tell me.
I guess I'm having a little pity party for myself tonight... I just love my kids so much and should have valued the time off more than I did. I don't think I realized what a privilege it was having not missed anything my sons first 8 years of life, my daughters 6 first years and my littlest daughter's first 18 months.
Sometimes I plain and simply couldn't see past the meltdowns, temper tantrums and poopy diapers. I dwelled too much on what laundry for five people looks like or how many times a day I would have to pick up hair elastics on the floor or find socks stuffed into the couch. I got way too caught up how often I swept up dog hair, tidied baby toys or packed school lunches. Stay at home moms have the best, and most important, job in the world! If only it were easier, financially, to stay home.
To all the SAHMs who bother to read this; You will never regret having been there for your kids. You will never regret being able to say that you were there for each and every moment that mattered. I know staying home isn't glamorous. I know your kids can drive you insane...but cherish every moment, because one day, you too may have to go back to work...and I assure you, working full-time and being a mommy full-time is even less glamorous.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Appreciation
At the basic root of our being, we want to feel appreciated. Whether it's at work, at home or with our friends, we want to feel that someone notices how much effort we are putting into whatever it is that we do.
Something cracked in me this afternoon. I all of a sudden felt completely unappreciated by my husband and children. I don't expect an award or trophy for the hundreds of things I do for them daily, but I would love the occasional heart felt "thank you".
If I wrote out a list of all that I do in a day for them and asked them to fulfill the same tasks, it would not only take them 10 times longer, but they would also give up halfway through. Running a house of 5, and a dog, is a lot of work. Even basic tasks, such as laundry and dishes, are time consuming...especially since I do it all while keeping my 18 month old out of trouble. I also do our banking, bill paying, grocery shopping, all cleaning, homework with the kids, all cooking, pack school lunches,any necessary (and some unnecessary) shopping, chauffeuring to extra circulars and/or playdates and/or appointments, etc,etc, etc. To top it all off, I am reentering the workforce on Monday and I guarantee I will still do all of the previously mentioned tasks.
It is 2014, but in many ways, we still live like it's 1950. Women get paid less than men, in the same jobs. Women are often expected to take care of the home, the children and with what little energy they have left, take care of their husbands and themselves. I'm telling you, IT IS EXHAUSTING!
Whoever said that being a stay at home isn't a real job...well, I challenge you to try it out for a day and see if I can change your mind.
Finally, make sure you show your loved ones the appreciation they deserve. Even the smallest comment or gesture will let them know you care and that you appreciate all that they do for you and for others. Don't let a day pass without making someone feel special.
Something cracked in me this afternoon. I all of a sudden felt completely unappreciated by my husband and children. I don't expect an award or trophy for the hundreds of things I do for them daily, but I would love the occasional heart felt "thank you".
If I wrote out a list of all that I do in a day for them and asked them to fulfill the same tasks, it would not only take them 10 times longer, but they would also give up halfway through. Running a house of 5, and a dog, is a lot of work. Even basic tasks, such as laundry and dishes, are time consuming...especially since I do it all while keeping my 18 month old out of trouble. I also do our banking, bill paying, grocery shopping, all cleaning, homework with the kids, all cooking, pack school lunches,any necessary (and some unnecessary) shopping, chauffeuring to extra circulars and/or playdates and/or appointments, etc,etc, etc. To top it all off, I am reentering the workforce on Monday and I guarantee I will still do all of the previously mentioned tasks.
It is 2014, but in many ways, we still live like it's 1950. Women get paid less than men, in the same jobs. Women are often expected to take care of the home, the children and with what little energy they have left, take care of their husbands and themselves. I'm telling you, IT IS EXHAUSTING!
Whoever said that being a stay at home isn't a real job...well, I challenge you to try it out for a day and see if I can change your mind.
Finally, make sure you show your loved ones the appreciation they deserve. Even the smallest comment or gesture will let them know you care and that you appreciate all that they do for you and for others. Don't let a day pass without making someone feel special.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Mean Girls at Every Age and Stage
Women tend to be more sensitive, yet more judgemental. We gossip more, yet we hate to think we are gossiped about. We can't stand mean girls, yet we are mean to one and other. Why oh why do so many women treat other women so poorly at every age and stage of life?
My daughter is the victim of mean girls on the playground and she is only 5 years old. The other day at recess, a group of three girls asked my daughter to play hide and seek. So she closed her eyes, counted to 10 and when she opened her eyes, the girls pointed, laughed at her and ran off to play another game right in front of her. How can such young girls be so mean?! I naively thought this type of behaviour started in junior high. I had no idea I would have to deal with my daughter's heart break at such a very young age.
The same day this happened to my daughter, I had a "mean girl" experience myself. I was at the gym, and a group of women in their 50's very openly whispered, while staring at me, and then started to laugh. What is wrong with people?!! Yes, my hair's dyed platinum. Deal with it!
My Mom has always told me that this is how women behave when they are jealous. I don't always believe this to be the case, but I can honestly say that I have caught myself judging someone, or unfairly disliking them, because of my own insecurities or jealousy. Is this reaction just born into us?
I see all of this nastiness coming into my sweet daughter's life and I want to believe it's not an issue of jealousy. I want to believe that doesn't start at age 5...but then I think about how she has better fashion sense than most adults, and most certainly better than Mommy. I think about her beautiful curly hair and her sparkling eyes. I think about how creative and wonderful she is. I know I'm biased, but are they jealous? Is that why my daughter has recently stopped wearing her dresses that she so loves?
Being a parent, being a woman, certainly has its challenges, but I am actively going to work on being less judgemental, less jealous and more grateful. I will work on being more kind, more thoughtful and more accepting and I will make sure my daughter learns the importance of this lesson she is having to learn at such a very young age.
Be kind, at every age and stage of life!
My daughter is the victim of mean girls on the playground and she is only 5 years old. The other day at recess, a group of three girls asked my daughter to play hide and seek. So she closed her eyes, counted to 10 and when she opened her eyes, the girls pointed, laughed at her and ran off to play another game right in front of her. How can such young girls be so mean?! I naively thought this type of behaviour started in junior high. I had no idea I would have to deal with my daughter's heart break at such a very young age.
The same day this happened to my daughter, I had a "mean girl" experience myself. I was at the gym, and a group of women in their 50's very openly whispered, while staring at me, and then started to laugh. What is wrong with people?!! Yes, my hair's dyed platinum. Deal with it!
My Mom has always told me that this is how women behave when they are jealous. I don't always believe this to be the case, but I can honestly say that I have caught myself judging someone, or unfairly disliking them, because of my own insecurities or jealousy. Is this reaction just born into us?
I see all of this nastiness coming into my sweet daughter's life and I want to believe it's not an issue of jealousy. I want to believe that doesn't start at age 5...but then I think about how she has better fashion sense than most adults, and most certainly better than Mommy. I think about her beautiful curly hair and her sparkling eyes. I think about how creative and wonderful she is. I know I'm biased, but are they jealous? Is that why my daughter has recently stopped wearing her dresses that she so loves?
Being a parent, being a woman, certainly has its challenges, but I am actively going to work on being less judgemental, less jealous and more grateful. I will work on being more kind, more thoughtful and more accepting and I will make sure my daughter learns the importance of this lesson she is having to learn at such a very young age.
Be kind, at every age and stage of life!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Alone on the Playground
At different times during my childhood, my Mom would say things like, "When you're a mother, you will understand how a parent can hurt for their child." I always brushed her off with a, "Yeah, yeah, Mom." Now, a Mom of 3 crazy kids, I finally completely understand what she meant.
Recently my family moved and my kids started at a new school. In no time at all, my son amassed a group of friends and settled into his new spot at their really wonderful school. He didn't even really have a period of transition. He was happy there right away, made friends and loves his teachers. He even started listening in class, which was a huge accomplishment for him. My daughter has had a completely different experience.
For a seemingly wild and happy little girl, she is very shy, when she's not at home. She clams right up, and until recently, wouldn't even order her food at a restaurant on her own. It's incredible to see the transition from the upbeat, actress, princess we have at home to the quiet girl, who keeps to herself at school. She makes for the ideal student and all of her teachers love her. She listens extremely well, answers questions when asked and does all her work happily and with great care, but she plays alone at recess. Sometimes she doesn't even play. Sometimes she just walks laps around the play park until recess is over. At what age does this become a concern?
I have tried talking to her about this. I have tried encouraging her to ask the other kids to play. She has a few times and the other kids are happy to play with her, but she doesn't seem to forge friendships, just plays with them once and then not again. On the other hand, she plays really well with her siblings...well, as well as any child can play with their siblings.
I have to admit, I'm a bit of a loner myself. I thoroughly enjoy time to myself and am very picky about who I befriend. If I can't be 100% myself with a person, I don't have room in my life for them. Life is far too short to be anything but yourself, as long as no one else gets hurt in the process.
Today, when I picked up the kids at school, my daughter ran up to me and proudly said, "Mommy, guess what?! I asked a girl to play at recess and we played...until two other girls came over and then I got left out." I don't know if she actually got left out, or fell back when more kids joined in the group. All I know is that my heart literally ached to see the sadness in her eyes.
As the school year goes on, my son gets invited to birthday parties and friends houses to play after school, and my daughter's feelings are hurt every time. Occasionally she gets invited with him, but then she gets left out because she's younger and quiet. Recently we visited family friends and their daughter was so excited to see my son and visibly less excited to see my daughter. She of course picked up on this right away, and with tears in her eyes, quietly said to me, "She doesn't seem excited to see me, Mommy". Yet another heart crushing moment.
It's amazing to me how a person could have 10 children and they would all have their very own unique personalities. I have one child who meets new people with complete ease and confidence. He has excellent manners when meeting people and is very considerate of other people's feelings. He always holds doors for people, says hi to people and compliments our server at a restaurant if they were particularly friendly and/or efficient. I guess he's sort of beyond his years in that way. Then I have a little girl who is absolutely sweet, loving, thoughtful, polite and creative, but is incredibly timid and lacks confidence when meeting new people.
For now my solution is to let her join the activities outside of school that she's interested in and hope that she finds friendship through common interests. I've already spoken to her teacher, who is incredibly supportive and helpful, and she is rotating the kids seating each week and trying to sit my daughter with kids she thinks she will like. Other than that, all I can do is show my daughter all the love and support I can and work on her confidence.
Do you have a shy child? Did they grow out of it? Let me know! I'd love to know how you handled it. It's breaking my heart to see my daughter hurt like this. I don't want her to be alone on the playground anymore.
Recently my family moved and my kids started at a new school. In no time at all, my son amassed a group of friends and settled into his new spot at their really wonderful school. He didn't even really have a period of transition. He was happy there right away, made friends and loves his teachers. He even started listening in class, which was a huge accomplishment for him. My daughter has had a completely different experience.
For a seemingly wild and happy little girl, she is very shy, when she's not at home. She clams right up, and until recently, wouldn't even order her food at a restaurant on her own. It's incredible to see the transition from the upbeat, actress, princess we have at home to the quiet girl, who keeps to herself at school. She makes for the ideal student and all of her teachers love her. She listens extremely well, answers questions when asked and does all her work happily and with great care, but she plays alone at recess. Sometimes she doesn't even play. Sometimes she just walks laps around the play park until recess is over. At what age does this become a concern?
I have tried talking to her about this. I have tried encouraging her to ask the other kids to play. She has a few times and the other kids are happy to play with her, but she doesn't seem to forge friendships, just plays with them once and then not again. On the other hand, she plays really well with her siblings...well, as well as any child can play with their siblings.
I have to admit, I'm a bit of a loner myself. I thoroughly enjoy time to myself and am very picky about who I befriend. If I can't be 100% myself with a person, I don't have room in my life for them. Life is far too short to be anything but yourself, as long as no one else gets hurt in the process.
Today, when I picked up the kids at school, my daughter ran up to me and proudly said, "Mommy, guess what?! I asked a girl to play at recess and we played...until two other girls came over and then I got left out." I don't know if she actually got left out, or fell back when more kids joined in the group. All I know is that my heart literally ached to see the sadness in her eyes.
As the school year goes on, my son gets invited to birthday parties and friends houses to play after school, and my daughter's feelings are hurt every time. Occasionally she gets invited with him, but then she gets left out because she's younger and quiet. Recently we visited family friends and their daughter was so excited to see my son and visibly less excited to see my daughter. She of course picked up on this right away, and with tears in her eyes, quietly said to me, "She doesn't seem excited to see me, Mommy". Yet another heart crushing moment.
It's amazing to me how a person could have 10 children and they would all have their very own unique personalities. I have one child who meets new people with complete ease and confidence. He has excellent manners when meeting people and is very considerate of other people's feelings. He always holds doors for people, says hi to people and compliments our server at a restaurant if they were particularly friendly and/or efficient. I guess he's sort of beyond his years in that way. Then I have a little girl who is absolutely sweet, loving, thoughtful, polite and creative, but is incredibly timid and lacks confidence when meeting new people.
For now my solution is to let her join the activities outside of school that she's interested in and hope that she finds friendship through common interests. I've already spoken to her teacher, who is incredibly supportive and helpful, and she is rotating the kids seating each week and trying to sit my daughter with kids she thinks she will like. Other than that, all I can do is show my daughter all the love and support I can and work on her confidence.
Do you have a shy child? Did they grow out of it? Let me know! I'd love to know how you handled it. It's breaking my heart to see my daughter hurt like this. I don't want her to be alone on the playground anymore.
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