Thursday's Rant

Have you ever had a moment, or many moments, when you thought, "This isn't my life" or "How did I end up here?" I've been stuck on that moment for three straight months now.

My husband moved out of province for work, since there wasn't anything here in his field. This is a very common occurrence nowadays in the Maritime provinces. I stayed behind, with our three young children, to try and sell our house, during a borderline market crash. We can no longer tough out the expense of our mortgage and his rent, so now our house is advertised "for rent". I would like to think this is a decent option, although no one who has applied thus far was truly a candidate.

I have looked into working, but for the jobs that I am qualified for, I wouldn't make enough to even pay the daycare expense for my kids. On top of that, there are limited spaces in the area for one year olds...so really, I would have had to have her on a waiting list months ago. What a mess.

It feels like society sets us up to fail financially, forcing us into more and more debt. My generation is plagued with student loan payments that are, in many cases, as big as a mortgage payment. We all have lines of credit, overdraft and credit cards...and many of us don't use them for "fun" things, we use them to pay the bills and buy our family's groceries.

I'm a decent person, raising three incredible kids and organizing charitable events in my "spare" time, but none of this matters to the bank. None of this matters to the power company, phone company, etc. Being a good person doesn't pay the bills.

So this year, there won't be any Christmas gifts, except for my kids. There won't be an annual family picture. There won't be anything "extra"...but how can I even complain about the "extras" in life when there are horrific natural disasters that seem to be happening all to frequently now? How can I complain when there is war and famine? How can I complain when at the end of the day, I have three great and healthy kids and a roof over our heads? Life is too short and too fragile to complain so much.

I'm on a mission to turn things around!! One step at a time...

2nd Annual Santa's Gift Shop

I am so amazed by the generosity of the individuals and businesses in the Greater Moncton Area. The love and support shown for Santa’s Gift Shop is absolutely incredible. I could have never dreamed that so many people would want to be a part of this wonderful event.

Santa’s Gift Shop is a shopping event where children can come to purchase, from new and used items, gifts for their family members. All gifts are under $2 each and gift wrapped for free. In addition to the sale, we will also be holding one amazing silent auction, with hotel stays, theatre tickets, date nights, rounds of golf, massage certificates, gym memberships, oil changes and so much more! This truly is an event for the whole family.  

We will also run a canteen (still looking for a refreshment donation), have entertainment and a few special guests will be making appearances. Rumor has it the big guy in red will be dropping by and one “Wild” hockey loving cat. You never know who else you might see!

To make the actual event a success, we still need the people of the Greater Moncton area to donate new and used household items (please no clothing or food items), as well as gift wrapping materials, on November 22^nd, at the Kinsmen Community Centre in Riverview, from 12pm-2pm and 6pm-8pm. I have faith that donations will come pouring in for this great event, in support of Riverview PRO Kids. Suggested items are coffee mugs, travel mugs, money clips, ornaments, costume jewelry, golf balls, children’s toys and more!

Thank you to everyone who has already contributed. Because of you, there will be smiles on hundreds of kids faces on November 23^rd (10am-2pm at the Kinsmen Community Centre) as well as Christmas morning when the children give their gifts to their loved ones. The look of pride on a child’s face when they pass you the gift they chose themselves is something you won’t soon forget.

To check out the facebook event page, click here.  

Tuesday's Rant

I would never say that I am perfect, but I can honestly tell you that I actively try to be a good person. I am honest, caring, thoughtful, smart on occasion, considerate...I am what I think everyone SHOULD be...and often aren't. But my questions for you is, am I expecting too much of people? Am I TOO nice?

Don't get me wrong, I have another side too...but don't we all? My extreme honesty is either what you love or what you hate about me. Some people can't handle the truth. I am a people pleaser, to a fault, but it's only because I like to see people happy. Is there something so wrong with that?

I organize a Christmas shopping event for children. All items are donated and set up like a shop where kids can buy gifts for their families at very minimal cost. All proceeds go to a local charity that helps children, whose families couldn't otherwise afford it, participate in sports and various other activities. Out of a few hundred families, there are a very few number of people who present problems for this event. The problems tend to be issues of greediness and feelings of entitlement. I really struggle with this. I organize this wonderful event entirely by myself, so when issues arise, I find them that much harder to swallow. I am doing this out of the kindness of my heart, but people will always find something to complain about. There will always be those few people who ruin it for everyone else.

Someone reminded me tonight that out of 300 smiling faces, only maybe 4 or 5 had anything remotely negative to say...but why are the negative comments the ones that stay with you? By letting these people get to me the way they do I've let them win. I've let them ruin my evening and my time is far too precious. Life is too short for negative people.

Thanks, Mom, for venting with me for an hour tonight. Amazing how at 32 years of age there is no better remedy than a good chat with my Mom or Dad. xo

Night, all!

I love my kids more than everything else!

I love my kids more than absolutely anything. Last night I was reminded just exactly how deeply that impacts on my everything.

A month and a half ago, my husband took a teaching job out of province. I stayed behind with my three kids to sell our house. It has taken much longer than we expected to get things in order. It is a buyer's market to the extreme right now and things just aren't moving. So, my husband comes home when he can, but not nearly as much as we'd like. He doesn't have a car there, so he can only come when he can catch a ride with someone. My kids have been really great about it...until yesterday.

After an incredible family weekend, we drove my husband to meet up with his ride back to where he's currently working. We all said our good-byes and as I started to pull away, I could hear my son sniffling. He's 7 years old and thinks he's tough as nails, so I knew this was serious. I immediately pulled over and asked him what was wrong. "I miss Daddy already, Mommy." This one small sentence broke my heart in two. It was quickly followed with a, "I wish we could keep Daddy here forever" from my 5 year old daughter. Cue the tears. So, I did what any good mother would do. I backed up, got Daddy's attention and let them each give him one more huge hug before he left. It helped...a little.

The first week he was gone, I was a complete emotional wreck. I can honestly say that I let myself sink into the darkest hole I have ever entered...but overtime, things have gotten easy. I have a routine and it works like a charm. I dare say that I have mastered being a "single" Mom to my three wild children. But just when I think I have it all together, my kids yank on my heart strings and I turn into a blubbering mess.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, but in this particular case, that "reason" is yet to present itself. I want my kids to see their Daddy every single day. I want them to have breakfast with him, walk our dog with him, eat supper and talk about their day with him. I'm tired of being a "single" Mom just because our house won't sell. 

I will not give up. Loving my kids is enough to keep me going...even on the days when the oldest two are fighting, the baby is teething and someone has mysteriously peed all over the bathroom floor. I love them when they get chocolate ice cream all over their new clothes, lose their homework and "accidentally" gouge me in the eye with their little fingers. I would do anything for them. I just need to find a new family to love our house as much as we have so that we can have our family back together permanently. Seems simple enough, right?

Bring it on, buyers! My kids need their Daddy and so do I! 

Clarity Needed

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, that every person you meet enters your life when they are supposed to...but why can't the reasons for everything be more clear?? I have never been more unclear about where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing ever before. I need some clarity!

To rent or not to rent? That is the question.

Have you ever rented out your house??

It is currently a buyer's market, to the extreme, where I live. With an aging population, more and more people are selling their homes and moving into apartments and condos, leaving many more houses on the market than there are buyers.

So what do you do? Do you sell your house at a loss or do you rent it out?

I have so many concerns about renting. The thing that plagues me most is- what if the tenants all of a sudden move out and we're stuck with a mortgage payment we can't afford?

Out of the few people I know currently renting their homes, only one is having a positive experience. Ugh.

I need advice from someone who doesn't know me personally.

Bring it on! Thank you in advance. :)

WARNING- Disturbing content. Abortion.

I seriously debated whether or not to write this post. This is an incredibly sensitive subject matter, but I am too horrified to not share my thoughts.

Where I currently live, women are allowed to have abortions up to 24 weeks pregnant. I have friends with children who were born around that time...so I can say with 100% confidence that a 24 week old fetus is visibly a completely formed human being that feels everything.

Please don't misunderstand me, I am pro choice. I understand that there are unthinkable situations where a woman should have the right to choose to abort her pregnancy, but it should happen before the baby is considered a fetus, so before 9 weeks.

It is devastating to me that some women use abortions in place of birth control. That innocent lives are thrown away so carelessly. Many women struggle to get pregnant, while others get pregnant by accident and terminate their pregnancies without batting an eyelash.

Some women abort perfectly healthy babies that would require minor plastic surgery after birth. There are so many people who would have loved those babies just exactly as they were. Others abort because they don't want kids, don't want more kids, are too young or too old. The list goes on...But how many reasons are really legitimate, justifiable reasons to terminate a life?

In some cases, the mothers have ultrasound pictures before aborting. Sometimes they hold their babies before they die, after the baby comes out crying. I don't understand this. Why bond with the child you have chosen to abort?  *Please don't misunderstand. I am not referring to pregnancies where the the fetus had to be aborted for medical reasons for either the baby or the mother.

Life is so precious. There are so many families who would love these babies. So many families who spend their lives trying to find a child to love.

How can we let abortions take place so far along in a pregnancy? How can we let women have multiple abortions? I doubt the day will come when a woman's right to bare children is taken from her...but where is the line drawn? A woman should not be legally allowed to have multiple abortions.

I do not write this to hurt or offend. I most certainly understand that there are circumstances in which an abortion may be the only choice...but when abortions are used as repeated birth control, our legal system should intervene.

Ban the burka?

Is anyone else struggling with all of this "ban the burka" talk?

I am 100% supportive of people from all different race and religions moving into Canada, but I do not support the belief that moving here means giving up your heritage and conforming. As long as your beliefs are not harmful to yourself or the people around you, you should be able to practice whatever you want.

If wearing a burka is within your belief system, you should not be asked to do otherwise. That being said, I do not agree with the facial covering, purely for matters of security. I think in most cases, this has nothing to do with a security issue, but an issue of people's discomfort with things outside of their norm. It's incredibly sad that "different" makes people uncomfortable.

We should be embracing and welcoming "different". We should be eager to learn about "different", not force them to conform to what we consider right. Whether they speak differently, dress differently, believe differently is their right as human beings.

How often people forget that different isn't better or worse, good or bad...It is just DIFFERENT!

1st Day of School

When you have your first child, every single person you encounter tells you how fast the time will pass and before you know it, they'll be starting school. Well, I'm here to tell you...they are right!

When my son started kindergarten, 2 years ago, I thought I would cry. I thought I would have such a hard time letting go of his tiny little hand and sending him off into the world. When we arrived at his classroom, he was so excited to finally start school, and so ready to be there in every way, I didn't cry. Instead, I was incredibly happy for him and proud of his enthusiasm and bravery. I guess I did something right with him. It was one of many proud moments I have had with him. This past week, he entered grade 2 with the same enthusiasm and bravery as when he started kindergarten. Love that kid.

Today, my daughter started kindergarten. She has wanted to go to school since her big brother started. She looks up to him and wants to do everything he does. I think she was most excited to have recess and eat lunch at school like he does. She's still so sweet...so much of the time. I have to admit though, she's a bit of a diva, which is hilarious since I'm far from it. Last night after her bath she had me change her earrings (to match her backpack), paint her nails "patterned and sparkly", spray protector on her new pink boots, lay out her outfit, set her sequin backpack by the front door and check the weather to make sure she wore the right jacket. Who is this kid? I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl...so this is totally foreign to me. My husband says she's the girl I want to be, but shy away from it. He might be right. Lastly, before she went to sleep, she hollered out to me, "Don't forget, tonight you have to pack two lunches!" She loves that I'll be packing both her and her brother lunches now.

Again, like with my son, I didn't cry when I dropped her off this morning. Instead, I smiled and felt my heart warm. I'm so proud of my kids!

So now, it's just me and my 11 month old. I will miss my big kids so much, but at the same time, I'm so happy for them both. They need their own friends, their own time and space and own experiences. My daughter needs to make her own choices, instead of always choosing what her big brother does. I know they're both going to be great!

Now it's time to make plans for me and the little miss. I think she'll start with a nap and I might kick back and relax. This might be a first!

Writer's block!

My stress level has given me writer's block. I am NOT impressed! More intelligible thoughts soon...I hope.

Everything will work out

Be better than YOU...

"Cool" VS Real

Which is more important to you? a) Having many acquaintances, but no true friends. OR b) Having one, or few, true friends? I will choose few true friends any day!

In junior high and highschool, I was obsessed with having tons of friends and I did. I was in the "cool" group, but always felt like an outsider and then there were my real friends. My real friends are the ones I have stayed in touch with, 14 years later. 

I wish that I could talk to all junior high and highschool kids and make sure they understood how being "cool" means absolutely nothing in the long run. I wish I could tell them not to ditch their real friends for the cool kids, because the cool kids won't ever have their back. 

After highschool, everything changes. You finally make friends with people you connect with and have things in common with. You realize, eventually, what is important and what isn't, but sometimes you still forget. 

Sometimes you still get sucked in by the "cool" people, who really aren't cool at all. Maybe they dress better, have a better job or married someone semi-successful. Maybe they stay in better shape, go on more dates or drive a nicer car, but I assure you, this is all surface stuff. Don't fall prey to their trap.

If there are people, even on your social media accounts, who aren't real friends, don't let them litter up your life. Be brave and cut loose the people who don't really matter. Don't keep them around to be polite. Surround yourself in people who are real.

Be friends with real people. Be friends with people who have your back. Be friends with people who are there to listen and know you're there too. These are the friends who will be in your life forever. These are the people who matter.

How do you wind down after a hectic...month?

How do you wind down after a hectic...month?

I have had nothing but hectic days since the end of June. My husband accepted a job out of province, so our entire summer has been consumed by trying to sell our home, hunt for a new home, paperwork for his new teaching license and all of our annual family visits. Things have been non-stop and I haven't taken anytime to regroup, until today.

I started off this morning with my Mom. We had some retail therapy and then lunch at a restaurant we had been interested in for years. The Blue Olive in Moncton, New Brunswick is lacking in atmosphere but makes up for it by the most phenomenal Mediterranean food. When I got home, the kids and I kept it really simple by watching reruns of Full House-still love that show!

The real cure to the chaos of late came this evening. At 10pm, my Dad called. My immediate reaction was to ask what was wrong. He rarely calls, he tends to drop by instead, and when he does call, it would never be that late. Luckily everything was fine and it turns out, he just called to chat. It was like he sensed that I needed that. We talked on the phone for well over an hour and only briefly about the chaos and almost entirely about random events and people of the past. That conversation did me more good than any workout or bottle of wine I've ever turned to. Just hearing my Dad tell me stories of his glory days was enough to set me right again. I love my Dad.

I didn't realize until today just exactly how out of whack I've been lately and I'm guessing the people around me have suffered a bit because of it. I am bound and determined to get back on track and I suspect today was the turning point.

Thank you Dad for always being there. For sensing I needed you, even when I didn't realize it myself. Who knew Dad-chat was better therapy than wine! Love you, Dad.

Do you listen to your inner voice?

When you come to a major crossroads in your life, how do you decide which route to take? Once you decide and things don't go your way, do you take the other route or rethink your approach?

My husband was offered a teaching position in another province. To make this move, we needed our house to sell so that we could make the move as a family. He also needed to obtain a teaching license for that province, which he seemingly had all of the criteria for. So the licensing was the least of our worries.

Today was our deadline for everything to come together. The house has not sold and he found out this morning that he needs two university science courses to be fully certified there, but can obtain a partial certification, putting him $7,000 lower on the pay scale. Is it just me, or does this plan no longer seem like it was meant to me?

I want to be a person who follows her instincts about things, but I have over thought this whole situation to the point where I can no longer hear my inner voice.

When we made the big decision to move to New Brunswick, we had a deadline to find a house. We signed the deal on our house on our deadline and my husband secured employment before we even moved. It felt so right.

I'm so confused. Outside advice would be so appreciated.

Afternoon Date with my Son

Today I had a date...with my 7 year old son.

Throughout the school year, my son is in school and I'm out and about with my 2 younger daughters. Needless to say, he feels like he misses out on a lot. Truth be told, he kind of does. So, today, I asked him on a date.

I let him plan the whole thing and said yes to everything. First, we ate lunch at New York Fries. He talked about his friends, school and how it was cool to have "Mommy and Jonah" time. Then we had Laura Secord ice cream for dessert. I let him order for us. He picked Crunchy Chocolate Chip-great choice. Then we went in all the "cool" stores he doesn't usually get to go in. Apparently, when you're 7, West 49, Boathouse and the video game store are the only stores worth going in. Too funny. I let him pick a back to school outfit. He chose a retro Pac Man shirt and jeans-Very handsome.

On the way out of the last store, he asked if he could pick something for his sisters. How could I refuse?! He picked them out matching, fancy flip flops with flowers on them. Of course, they love them and feel extra special that their big brother picked them out.

So, although we really didn't do anything super exciting, we had a really great time. It was an excellent reminder to me of how important one-on-one time is to both my kids and to me. It was also a great reminder of how amazing he is, when he isn't competing and arguing with his 5 year old sister in particular.

Love the "back to school" shopping!

It's only July 31st and I already want to head to the stores to buy all of my kids school supplies. I think part of it is because my daughter is starting kindergarten and I know she has been excited ever since her big brother started school, 2 years ago.

Buying school supplies also represents a new beginning to me. I was moved around, almost every year, growing up, but one thing never changed-the need for the big "back to school" shop. A new outfit, pens, pencils and a new backpack. I always loved that time with my Mom and now I get to experience it with my kids.

The only unfortunate part is the expense. You go around to the various stores, purchasing all of the necessary supplies and then on the first day of school, you have to send each child with even more money for things the teacher will be buying the class. Last year it cost me $35 for my son, but this year it will be $70 for both my son and daughter. I know it's not a lot spread out over the year, but it's a bitter pill after having just spent that much or more on everything else. You can't tell me that everyone can afford that expense...So, who pays for them?

On a happy note, my daughter picked a pink and orange jacket from Costco and a perfectly matched, and on sale, backpack from The Gap for school. She's the cutest little fashionista I've ever seen! She's nothing like me. Actually, I could stand to learn a thing or two from her.

Happy school supply shopping, everyone!

East to West

Yet another friend is considering moving out West!

It simply isn't realistic for a young family with 3 children to make a go of it in New Brunswick. We are ultimately being forced to leave our friends and extended family members behind and move across the country. Why aren't more people fighting to change this trend? Just last week, a friend drove out West for work. Another flew out just yesterday. We may be next and our friends may be close behind us.

Yes, the cost of living out West is higher, but the pay is double and the opportunities are plentiful.

Someday, New Brunswick will wake up and see that all of the under 40 population has moved out. Then what?

Why would new business want to come here if everyone's leaving? Unless some major changes take place, you will see a quickly diminished population. It is a shame that such a beautiful province is run so poorly.

Back on the Nutrition Bandwagon

Recently I have fallen off the nutrition bandwagon.

For months now, my husband and I have been talking about making a major move and along with these talks has come a tremendous amount of stress, So, what did I do? I turned to food. Whatever was easiest to make and also night snacking. I am a terrible boredom and night snacker. Then, last night, at girls' night, I got talking to my friend's husband about working in Yellowknife. Something about the idea made me snap out of my funk and get back on track! So, for dinner we had poached salmon, basmati rice, green beans and carrots.

It's funny how this one little conversation has gotten me out of my funk AND my husband has already applied for a teaching position there that he is completely qualified for. EEK! Who knows what will become of all of this, but for now, I'm happy to say that I've turned the corner back into healthy eating and I'm excited about what may be coming our way!

What are you grateful for?

Over the years, I have spent far too much time thinking about how my life would be different if I had done things differently. What if I had chosen a career over having kids in my twenties? What if I never left Halifax? What if I went to law school?

Have you ever felt jealous of those people who have known since they were 10 years old just exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up? Not only did they know, but they actually followed through and became whatever it is they wanted.

My husband knew, in grade 7, that he wanted to be a teacher. So, as an adult, he went to university and is now a French teacher. I, on the other hand, thought I would be a lawyer, or someone famous, when I was younger. I thought I'd have everything by age 27. Why do we do that to ourselves?

Half of our life's troubles are because we constantly dwell on the unfulfilled expectations we have created for ourselves. I know that I am guilty of this. Why can't we just be in the moment and be grateful for all of the good in our lives? 

Although many of the choices that I have made have caused life to be harder at times, I wouldn't change having 3 kids. I wouldn't change the varied education I have. I wouldn't change the moves that I have made. I wouldn't change the friends I've had, the relationships I've had or the man I married. So, throughout all the struggles, I have so much to be grateful for.

What are you grateful for?

Good things come to those who...

Runaways

In recent months, there have been many teens in New Brunswick who have run away from home. Luckily, to the best of my knowledge, they have all been found safe and returned home. The question I have to ask is: will they always be that lucky?

Teenagers run away when there is a conflict they can't resolve, fear resolving  or have something to hide. They see leaving as easier than coping. In some cases, it's not only an escape from a situation, but a punishment to their caregiver. Sometimes it's plain and simply a cry for help, but what if that cry goes horribly wrong?

A child who runs away puts themselves at great risk, terrifies their family and friends and also wastes the RCMP resources. Police and search and rescue teams often spend countless hours searching for these kids, when often they're just hiding out in a friend's basement.

It's the kids who don't have a "safe" place to hide that concern me most. Where are they sleeping each night and how long before their resources run out? Kids in these situations make themselves extremely vulnerable and are easily manipulated. What started off as the "easy way out" may go horribly wrong.

My heart is broken for every family that has to deal with a runaway situation. The constant worry for your child until they are returned home safely is something that no parent should ever have to deal with. Until these kids are parents themselves, they won't fully understand what they have put their loved ones through.

If your child ever runs away or goes missing, get his or her photo out into the social media world immediately. Facebook, Twitter, email-use them all. You can also visit Missing Kids Canada or The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children in the USA .

Have you taught overseas? I need your advice...please.

Dear fellow bloggers;

I need some advice.

My husband is a teacher, but there aren't any teaching positions where we live. So, we're considering making a really big move. I have talked to many friends who have taught overseas, but I would really like less biased advice from people who don't know me personally. We want to go somewhere considered "safe", somewhere that will provide airfare and accommodation, and somewhere with a decent school system, because our kids will be in kindergarten and grade 2. Ideally the pay grade would be high enough that we could also save some money while there.

We have considered Nunavut, Korea and the UK.

Any personal accounts of an experience you've had would be greatly appreciated. Places you would recommend, or not, and why?

Thank you in advance! Every comment shared is a big help!

Jackie

Thursday's Rant

To make it in New Brunswick, you either need to know someone important who can get you a good job you don't necessarily deserve or you need to be a tradesperson. Otherwise, you have two choices: 1-pack up your things and move out West or 2-stay put and live just barely above the poverty line.

I have spent weeks now looking for a day job that would allow me to work opposite shifts from my husband, so that we can avoid the $1,500 a month daycare expense for our kids. Putting them in daycare is a last resort because most jobs around here won't even pay enough to cover the expense.

I have an education, but around here, I'm lucky if it earns me more than $11 an hour. My husband has his Bachelor of Education, but there aren't any teaching jobs available because existing teachers won't retire. A teacher's pension is based on their highest paid 5 years of service, so they stay on longer to increase their pension. Not only does this affect incoming teachers, but it also means that teachers are teaching past their expiry date, which can impact negatively on the children they teach. Ugh!

It's such a frustrating situation. I am ready, willing and more than capable to work, but what's the point if my pay won't cover daycare? Why would I work to have someone else raise my kids and still not come out on top financially anyway? What a crazy system we live in!

The Universal Childcare Benefit, in Canada, is issued to each family every month and this is meant to help pay for childcare. Why does this money not go directly into the daycares so that they can lower the cost to families?? Instead, people who don't need this money and don't even require childcare are getting $100 or more every month that could be much better spent. I have to be honest and say when that money gets direct deposited into my account, it likely gets used for groceries. I'm sure most families would report the same thing.

So, for now, I remain a stay-at-home-mom, unemployed, trying hard to pay the bills and looking for someone who wants to pay me to write.

Bullying Can Start as Young as Preschool

When my son was in preschool, he experienced his first dose of bullying.

Before my son was 5, he was sweet, polite and not yet exposed to the meanness of children. He loved to play construction and blocks, but he would also play tea party with the girls. At some point during his first year at preschool, a group of little girls decided that they no longer played with the boys and were at times very cruel to my son. It broke my heart for him because he was happy to play whatever they wanted. I didn't think he would have to deal with this kind of thing until big kid school started. I was wrong.

After that situation settled, he made a group of all boy friends. He happily played with them and forgot about the girls. He didn't encounter any type of bullying the following year in preschool and nothing at all came up until kindergarten.

Within the first month or so of kindergarten, my son wore a stripped, navy and white shirt to school. Some of the kids in his class made fun of him, saying that it looked like he had worn his pajamas to school. My reaction, at the time, was to tell him that he didn't have to wear the shirt to school anymore. Looking back, I realize I was just trying to protect his feelings, but I had an opportunity to teach him an important lesson. Instead, he taught me one. "No thanks, Mommy. I want to wear the shirt again tomorrow." I have never been more proud of my incredible son than I was in that moment. He wasn't going to let those kids affect him or how he dressed.

I know my son may encounter bullying at different times over the years, but I am confident now that he will handle himself better than I could have hoped.

RIP Cory Monteith

The toxicology reports are in and the word is that Cory Monteith died of an "accidental heroin and alcohol overdose." What a sad, sad and preventable loss.

I can't help but think about his poor family and his fiance, Lea Michele. Monteith was my age, 31, and had so much life ahead of him. He was set to marry Michele in only 2 weeks time.

He was so incredibly talented and seemed to have such a bright future ahead of him. His absence on Glee won't go unnoticed. I will be very curious to see how they address his departure.

Far too many people in Hollywood die from very similar circumstances. I hope this is an eye opener for others suffering with addiction as Monteith was.

Sad, sad, sad. He will be greatly missed.

Parents Decide What Kids Eat. NOT Kids

I am constantly amazed by what "food" people will feed their children. You don't have to be a Holistic Nutritionist to know that nuggets and fries should not be staples in your diet.

This morning I over heard a conversation. The mother of a roughly 6 year old said, "He's a fussy eater. I can only get him to get nuggets, fries and Kraft Dinner." I nearly jumped out of my seat to shake some sense into this woman. He eats that way because you allow it. 

I will never for one minute pretend that my children don't eat things they shouldn't, on occasion. I would never lie and say they haven't eaten fast food or had one too many sugary treats, but I can say very confidently that my children don't live off junk and my 5 year most certainly does not dictate the menu.

Until our kids start school, we decide 100% of the time what they can and cannot eat. If your child will only eat junk, it is because that is what you have provided for them and then when they wouldn't eat the healthier options, you caved and allowed more junk. Who is the parent here?

If you are experiencing extreme eating problems with your child, it may be time to visit a Naturopath or Nutritionist to look further into what is going on. There are certainly cases where a child may have an intolerance to a food, which could be at the root of the problem. Something to consider.

Our health and eating habits as an adult are a reflection of how we ate, and were taught to eat, as children. Teach your children, while they'll still listen, the importance of eating well. When they are all grown-up, they will thank you.

Dental Coverage Rant

Every month, a large chunk of money comes off my husband's pay so that our family of 5 can have medical coverage, but if the insurance company won't pay out on claims, what's the point?

Last week, a bonding came off one of my front teeth. I was lucky enough to get an appointment with the dentist for the following morning. Before I left home, I double checked our coverage to see that the little procedure would be covered and sure enough, it was, for 90%.

So, I had my tooth fixed, paid in full upfront and the watched as the receptionist submitted my claim electronically. Usually we would see the money within 2 days. Five days later, we received an automatic deposit from the insurance company for only 25% of what the fix had cost me. They said that I would need x-rays to prove that there had been "significant tooth loss" to have any additional portion covered. No x-rays had been taken prior to the fix and it was obviously too late for photographs. What a mess.

So now, at a time when I completely can't afford this expense, I'm out $300 and change. Why do we bother with insurance?!

That is all.

Rants from one fed-up Mama

I am a reasonably smart person. I'm not fantastic at anything, but I'm good at a lot of things. I have an education: a half decent one actually. I even graduated with honours from my last endeavor, but in the province I live in, I'm hard to employ.

French isn't my first language and it is barely my second language at this point. I may be qualified in every way that matters for the jobs I apply for, but since my French is rusty, I won't get the job. 

I read through all of the job ads daily and if I'm willing to work for minimum wage with a bunch of highschool kids, maybe, just maybe I can mop floors at the local pool. I didn't spend six years in university and one year in college to mop floors. Although, there are bills to pay.

None of this even matters anyway since daycare for my three kids would be over $1,500 a month. So I can't even take the mopping job because that won't even cover daycare expense.  

We live in a system that sets us up to fail. I talk to people my age daily who are in very similar situations. Many are struggling to pay the bills and are considering moving out of province to clear up their debt and finally, at age 30+, get their lives on a better financial track. 

Moving out West or to the deep North are the trends now. With the higher wages, free staff accommodations and airfare, it's cheaper to commute across the country to work than it is to work locally. What a joke. 

It's as if there are only two choices: 1)Work 24 hours a day and have no family life or 2)Be completely broke, but have a happy family. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your home life to pay the bills. You shouldn't have to work two jobs just to cover daycare.

We live in this beautiful province, that we chose as a good place to raise our kids, but we are ultimately being forced to leave. For a province that campaigns to keep their university grads working in their province, they sure don't make it easy for us to stay.

Update on our family organic garden

Just a quick post to say that our family organic garden is doing awesome! The zucchini plants and corn are amazing. The carrots, cucumber, snow peas and lettuce seem to be coming along as well. My tomato plants aren't totally thrilled. I'll need to do a little more research on how to make them happy. The only thing that didn't make it was the basil. Again, another thing I'll have to research.

All in all, this has been a great first attempt at gardening for my family of 5. I highly recommend planting corn. They grow so tall so quickly. The kids think it's amazing!

Any tips for me? Happy gardening!

PS: This link will take you to my first post about our gardening adventure. http://jbelliveau.blogspot.ca/2013/05/our-first-family-organic-garden.html

Finally, a clean house! But not for long...

Why is it that it takes visitors or showing my house to make it spotless?

I'm always complaining that our house is a mess. Laundry needs to be folding, dishes done, toys picked up and floors swept. There never seems to be enough hours in the day to get everything done...except when we have visitors coming or we're showing our house to potential buyers.

Our house is currently on the market and hasn't been this clean and tidy since we moved in 3 years ago. The laundry is folded and put away, the dishes are washed and in the cupboards and every single last toy is in its' place. I even considered, briefly, sleeping in the tent in our backyard overnight just to maintain this perfect house for one more day.

It's amazing how trying to sell your home motivates you to do things that you've been meaning to do for months. I finally sorted through bins in the basement that we haven't even opened since we moved in. I found things I forgot we had. There is something so satisfying about a de-cluttered house. I have sold 2 van loads of toys and donated another van load. I have thrown out broken things and faded receipts. I have reclaimed my house, which was long overdue.

The real question is: how long will it take my 3 little terrors to undo all of my good work? I give it 12 hours at most before you can't tell that I scrubbed the kitchen floors, swept and vaccuumed the whole house and meticulously found places for every displaced item.

I know some people live like this all of the time. Everything's clean and in its' place, but how do they have time to do anything else? If I never played with my kids ever again, maybe we could live like that, but I choose them. I won't ever regret playing with my kids "too much".

Oh well. It was nice while it lasted. Time to play!

Life is So Uncertain

Life is so uncertain.

I was just reading about a local family, who lost their husband and father last year. He was only 40 years old. He was in a car accident and died on the scene. No one in their family woke up that day thinking that it would be the last moments they spent with him. Now his wife is left to raise their 2 children alone and the kids have to grow up without their Daddy. Really puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Everyday of life is a gift. Some days are harder than others, but never wish time away. Don't wish a day away. Don't count down. Live in the moment because life is too short to waste time. Never go to sleep angry and if there is something you need to say, say it. Don't wait until tomorrow.

I can't help but think about the 36 year old mother who died in Moncton recently, as a result of a drunk driver hitting her car. The driver who caused her death made a choice to drink and drive and now 2 children are without their Mommy and a husband is aching for his wife. An entire school is missing their teacher. Someone made one decision that impacted the lives of hundreds of people.

Life is fragile. Life is short. Live it to the fullest at every age and stage in your life. Dream big and make your dreams your reality. Don't regret. Don't wonder, "what if?" DO! Be a doer!

I didn't know I would write this tonight. I didn't set out to write something deep and profound. I am really writing this as a reminder to myself to not get so down when we hit a rough patch in life. We're healthy, we have a roof over our heads, food on our plates and we're together. What more could a girl ask for?

Be thankful.

My Daughter Falls Out of Bed...a lot

Does anyone have a child who falls out of their "big kid bed" almost every night?

We moved our son into his big bed when he was only 18 months old. He, of course, had a bed rail. At some point he decided, or we decided, he no longer needed it. He fell out of bed a lot and just couldn't seem to adjust...so back up went the bed rail. He was 5 before it finally came off for good. He is now 7 years old and still, on rare occasion, falls out.

Now I have a 5 year old daughter. She has had her rail off for months now, but recently started falling out again. I tried the rolled up towels under her fitted sheet, along the edge, but they slip down and then she rolls out anyway. Someone suggested a pool noodle. Has anyone tried this?

I'm so tired of hearing her thud out of bed and I know she is certainly fed up. She even asked for her old bed rail back. Poor girlie. So back up went her bed rail.

How can a child sleep so soundly that they would fall out of bed?? I know we as parents certainly don't sleep that soundly.

What do you do to keep your kids safe in bed?

I Am Grateful to be a Nova Scotian

I am grateful to be a Nova Scotian. 

I was born in Halifax, Nova Scotia and spent the first few years of my life there, with summers in Shediac, New Brunswick. I was then moved around to Toronto, New Jersey, and Calgary. Although each stop had it's own beauty, nothing ever came close to feeling like home the way the Maritimes did. There is something born into a Maritimer, like an invisible string, that keeps us attached to the Maritimes even when we're not here. Something that calls each and every one of us back...eventually. 

As an adult, now living in New Brunswick, it feels familiar, from my life long summers here, but there is something missing. I feel Nova Scotia calling my name and it is only a matter of time before I move back there yet again.

There is something so special about Nova Scotia. Something that cannot be summed up in simply one word. The people, scenery, music and spirit are among the many reasons why Nova Scotia is my true home. What I consider to be common courtesies are actually common there. People naturally hold the door for you, say hi in passing, smile at strangers, and say "please" and "thank-you". People go out of their way for you and welcome you with opened arms to their breath taking province. Everyone is welcome in Nova Scotia.

Seven years ago, my husband and I moved to New Brunswick because real estate was affordable here and we were about to welcome our son into the world. It was the right thing at the time, and has been a great experience in many ways.

So, thank you New Brunswick for all of the things you have given us. You will always have a special place in my heart, since my 3 children were born here. I promise to visit every summer, as I always have.

Nova Scotia, we're coming home!

To the Extra Special People in my Life

Just a really quick thought...

My entire life, I have always felt that I didn't quite fit in. I've always had friends and never felt lonely or alone...but always outside of the circle just a little bit. There are few people in my life who I feel really accept me for who I am and with all of my crazy quirks...especially my extremely straight forward way of dealing with people. So, this post is for those few extra special people in my life. If you know me well, you know exactly who you are. We can laugh at ourselves together, share our deepest secrets and know with 100% certainty that there is no judgement. I am incredibly grateful to have you in my life.

I know that I am difficult. I know that I speak the truth to a fault. I know I think I'm funny, even when I'm not, but you love me anyway. So, thank you.

If you have even one person in your life that you feel this way about, consider yourself very blessed. These kind of friends are hard to come by. So, if you happen upon one, don't let them go!

Families Are All Different

I wrote the following, with some editing by Suzanne Belliveau, in hopes of having it published as a children's picture book. It still needs some work. I feel very strongly that children need to be educated about all of the different types of families in society and not just to "tolerate" them, but to accept and embrace them all.

Families Are All Different

Families are all different

As you can plainly see

One Mommy or two Daddies

Who makes up your family?

                

I have lots of different people

On my family tree

I have a Daddy and a Mommy

Two sisters and then there’s me

I even have five grandparents

They go by different names

Nana, Grandpa, Grandma, Grammy

 I love them all the same.

I also have 5 cousins

Plus 6 Uncles and 3 Aunts

They may not live nearby me

But they visit every chance

There are many different people

Who can take good care of you

Two Mommies or one Daddy

And Foster Families too

Sometimes there are step-parents

Or step-sisters and step-brothers

They are special family members

Who grow to love each other

There are also half siblings

Half -sisters or half-brothers

Where one parent is shared between you

Either the father or the mother

Sometimes there are special people

Who are on your family tree

That may not be related

But they’re very important indeed

All of my friends’ families

Are made up in different ways

Some of my friends spend time

With each parent on different days

Other friends were adopted

From countries far away

Their parents couldn’t have babies

So they chose them special one day

Families don’t always look related

Sometimes not at all

Maybe you’re 6 foot 2

And your brother’s 5 foot small

Maybe you have brown hair

And your sisters are all blond

But don’t worry about your hair colour

It’s love that makes you bond

Love is what makes a family

Come together and be strong

As long as you’ve got love

No combination can be wrong

So next time you see a family

And think, “They look different than me”,

Remember: Families are all different

As you can plainly see

Are you where you dreamed you would be?

Are you living the life you grew up dreaming about? I know I'm not.

When I was in grade 12, everyone in my life told me that I would be an amazing lawyer. I was always good at debates and excelled at school presentations and networking, even at a young age. It got to the point where I stopped wondering what I would be as an adult and just went forward with plans to be a lawyer. 

When it actually came time to apply to universities, I felt completely lost and not really ready for that chapter of my life. So, instead of going to "real" university, I took a two year french immersion course at the Universite Ste. Anne's in Churchpoint, NS. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made, both because
I learned french and I met my husband there.

After the two years passed, I still didn't feel ready for that next step. So, I traveled in Europe with friends for four months and then finally felt ready for the next big step. It was already September and I hadn't even applied to any schools. Luckily my Dad knew some people and got me in. It was September 11, 2001. What a day to start university. I remember walking by one of the lecture halls and seeing the second airplane fly into the tower. What a day.

The next two and a half years flew by. I did a Bachelor of Arts in French and was able to transfer many credits from the immersion program I had taken. At some point during those couple of years, I decided it was finally time to take the LSATs. I don't remember exactly when I took them, but I remember the experience like it was yesterday. I knew some of the other students writing it. Those people have since become great lawyers. What I took from the experience was that being a lawyer had never been my dream, but my Dad's unfulfilled dream and simply what everyone else thought I should be doing. I knew I wanted a family, not a 24/7 career.

After that, I decided to take Public Relations. This was the more obvious fit for me. I again applied late, but this time on my own doing, got in no problem. I was so excited about the program and did really well in it, but then came my first work placement. I got placed with a tourism office that didn't specifically have PR work. I still to this day don't know why they took on PR students. I mostly just stuffed media packages there and did some website editing. Towards the end of my time there, I worked briefly in the Minister of Tourism's office. I got to write there and was really appreciated. That was a great experience, but too short lived. Once school started up again, I felt depleted.  When I went back to class and saw the enthusiasm the other students had, I felt out of place. I felt like I no longer belonged there. I felt very emotional and dropped out. Little did I know I was also pregnant with my son, now 7 years old.

So, my husband and I moved to New Brunswick, because of family and also more affordable real estate and have been living here ever since. 

I took Holistic Nutrition last year and loved it. I graduated with honours and as co-validictorian. I certainly plan on using that knowledge for something wonderful, but right now I'm way too busy with my 7, 5 and 8 month old to even process that thought.

I wouldn't change a thing about my family, but I sure would like to have the whole career thing figured out. I would love for my husband to have a teaching contract and not have to think about making bill payments on time and second guessing whether or not to buy myself that shirt or those shoes. Someday. For now, I'm raising some pretty great kids and I know I have so much to be thankful for.I have friends with great careers and more money than they know what to do with, but they would trade places with me in a second. Money cannot buy you happiness.

So, to make an incredibly long story short, I thought I would be a successful, rich lawyer at 31 years of age, but instead, I'm an unemployed, stay at home Mom of 3. Who would have guessed?

One Proud Mama

Yesterday, at Canada's Wonderland, my kids made me incredibly proud, but I realized just exactly how fast they are growing up.

My daughter is turning 5 this Friday and since she has a big brother, who is 7, she constantly wants to seem older and brave like him. She's always asking me things like, "What would Jonah do?" or "Can I do that when I'm Jonah's age?" It's sweet that she looks up to him like that, but makes me a little sad that she wants to grow up so quickly. She still seems like my baby girl so much of the time.

At Wonderland, Jonah was all geared up for the "grown-up" rides, because he finally meets the height requirements, but Lyla, of course, did not. So she gladly went on all of the awesome kid-friendly rides and made every moment count. While on a tugboat ride, that zipped around the "rough waters", she threw her arms up and screamed "weeeeee", as if she were on the biggest roller coaster of all. On the swings that go around in circles, she threw her arms up again and yelled, "Mommy, I'm being so brave!" That one little sentence brought a proud tear to my eye. Geez, I love that kid!

Jonah really surprised me too. He was clearly excited to be tall enough for every ride and kept eyeing all of the roller coasters, except the "loop de loop" ones, he told me. So, my brother and my husband took him. I expected him to be shaken up and over the whole idea after the first run. Was I ever wrong. He loved every single second and stayed on for a second ride. He's an extremely cautious child so much of the time. I know I've made him this way and sometimes, I think, to a fault. So, yesterday was a big deal...for both my kids.

Towards the end of the day, we walked past one last roller coaster and Lyla was actually just tall enough to go on. She hesitated but finally ran off to join the group on the final ride. She was having another brave moment. She had to close her eyes through the dark tunnel, but was extremely proud to go on the big ride like her big brother.

By this point, it was really time to go, but we let the kids play one final game. My son wanted to win a puppy dog, but didn't get enough points, so his choices were a giraffe or monkey. Instead of getting upset, he chose the giraffe and gave it to his baby sister, because she "needed a souvenir too". He wanted to win me something as well, but there wasn't enough time. He looked so upset, but I assured him that seeing him so happy was enough for me. Yet another proud mama moment.

Miss Olivia, my baby girl, will have to go there when she's older. She spent the day napping, but now I know she has two really brave, incredible siblings to show her the ropes.

We can learn a lot from children. They are often more brave, adventurous and giving than we are as adults. Although I'm a little sad that they're growing up way too fast, I'm incredibly proud to be their Mama.

Small Town Living vs The Big City

From day to day, we exist within a safety and comfort zone that we have created for ourselves over time. The friends we've made, the routes we drive, the stores we shop at, they all make up what we consider "safe" places to be for both ourselves and our family. This became overwhelming clear to me after a 4 day visit to Toronto.

First, let me start by saying that I used to be a big city girl, having lived in Toronto for years, but when I moved to the Maritimes, that all changed. I now live in a small town, outside of a reasonably small city. I know I'm not immune to the dangers of the world here, but most of the time, I consider it a safe place to live.

 

When in Toronto, 1 of 2.5 million people out and about, I encountered a few too many crazies for my liking. The first was on a streetcar. A man started yelling profanities at a woman because she bumped into him, or something equally as innocent, and he completely overreacted. He had zero logic in his words and kept suggesting that she call the police on him. Even just on my own this would have upset me, but it was in front of my 3 kids, who have very little exposure to the world. Next came the man, whose hands appeared to be covered in feces, who then proceeded to wipe them on the wall of a building. What is wrong with people?! And of course, there were many homeless people, across the city, sleeping and begging  for change on the street's corners. It is safe to say that Toronto is nothing like the Maritimes.

All of this said, there is so much to see and do in a big city like Toronto. From the BlueJays, amazing restaurants, theatre, shopping, Canada's Wonderland and so much more. We could have spent weeks there just to fit in all of the things we would have liked to see and do, but I wouldn't trade the Maritimes for big city life. 

I may walk at a slower clip than Torontonians and maybe I don't dress as nicely, but I hold the door for the person behind me and I'm never so rushed that I can't be polite.  I don't have to depend on 3 different modes of transportation to get around and I don't have to drive in constant traffic or swerve around the many street cars and millions of pedestrians. I like my life.

Don't get me wrong, Toronto is incredible. Our trip there, from beginning to end was really amazing. There are no words to express how grateful I am for the opportunity, but I am also grateful to be home safe.

It's Ok to not ALWAYS have your "crap" together

A friend reminded me today that it's ok to not always have my "crap together". This is something I needed to hear.

I am a person who can't stand a messy, disorganized house. Yet I live in one everyday. I hate seeing piles of unfolded laundry, but I am surrounded by them. Dirty dishes all over my counter drive me nuts, yet there they are. This is the life of a Mom with 3 kids.

After chauffeuring my kids all day, cooking for them, bathing them, packing next day's lunch and everything else involved, the last thing I have time to do, or want to do, is fold 5 people's laundry. My eyes are almost closed, but the house could really use a quick Swiffer and if I was really on top of things, I'd change the sheets that are truthfully a good week overdue.

But wait a minute! My kids are happy and healthy. On top of that, I've managed to maintain a small amount of sanity through all of the chaos. I think I'm doing ok.

We, as Moms especially, are WAY too hard on ourselves. We want to be the best Mom, the best wife and seem "together" all of the time, but you know what? To your children, you are the best Mom and they wouldn't replace you for anything. Your husband is in awe of how you keep it all together after a long day of crazy children and a puppy running circles around you as you make dinner. They love you just exactly how you are and wouldn't change a hair on your head.

So what if you didn't do dishes today. Who cares if you take your next outfit out of the laundry bin instead of off a hanger. I promise you that even the most put together Mom on the playground has the same struggles as you do, she just hides it better. For all you know, her designer jacket was stuffed under her bed until she put it on today and her hair is in an up-do because she didn't shower this morning. Don't be deceived by these Moms, because they are just like you.

Next time you have to choose between dishes and a moment to relax, RELAX! You will be a better Mom to your kids because you took time for you! Don't forget that before you had kids, you had needs and still do. Don't be afraid to take time for you!

Healthy Kids=Healthier Future

The New Brunswick school system has a health initiative that encourages healthy snacks and lunches for kids. They have the teachers enforce it to a degree, but really only by giving a canned response they are told to use. So, for example, if I were to call my son's teacher and ask if I could bring in cupcakes, her response would be, "We encourage healthy snacks in the classroom", but if I were to then arrive with cupcakes, they would be welcomed.

This so-called health initiative clearly doesn't apply to their volunteers, as they are fed things like pizza, chips and pop at the various events held throughout the year. The volunteers eat in a room where the children purchase milk at lunchtime. Isn't this setting a bad example for them?

The absolute icing on the cake is the hot lunch program. This program, although helpful to parents, is the furthest thing from healthy. Twice a week, lunches are offered and consist of Greco pizza, a half piece of fruit and milk or Burger King, half piece of fruit or milk.  Why not get a contract with a local grocery store and do up snack packs of fruit, veggies, cheese and crackers? Or even veggie Subs from Subway?

As for why my son's school has chosen the previously mentioned businesses for hot lunches, I'm not exactly sure, but I would bet that it's because they offer the lowest price. This makes me sad. I would gladly spend an extra dollar on lunch for my kids if it meant they were getting something real and healthier. Am I alone on this?

Another very upsetting fact is that many kids can't even recognize certain fruits and vegetables in their true, unprocessed form. This next generation is so disconnected from the food they are putting into their bodies. A  chicken nugget is just a kind of "food", not actually something that came from a living creature.

Healthy living has to be taught and enforced in school. Our kids spend more awake hours with their teachers than with their families. Children, especially at a young age, believe what their teachers say to be the gospel truth. So, why not use this for good and have our teachers teach and enforce nutrition? Instead of a brief unit that focuses on the highly flawed Canada Food guide, incorporate healthy living into everyday of school. Many children will not learn about healthy living at home, but imagine how many children can be reached by teaching it in school!

Taking proper care of our children is an investment in their future, and in ours. It's never too late to start eating right, but the earlier you start the better.

The only thing standing in your way is YOU!

Have you ever had a really great idea, but then not followed through with it? If you answered no to this question, I'm guessing you're not being completely honest with yourself.

We have all had ideas, at one point or another, that we didn't follow through on...and should have. The first time this really happened to me was when my sister and I wanted to invent a baby carrier that could be worn at the beach, made of neoprene. It wasn't even 6 months later that Body Glove came out with such a product. I'm sure my husband could tell you all kinds of examples where similar things have happened to me. I'm always coming up with something.

After I organized the Santa Gift Shop in December of last year, with only 2 weeks to pull it off, I realized how much I love to plan. So, I talked to a couple of people about having a children's tea party and/or children's ball at a local venue. You snooze you lose I guess, because now someone else is doing it.

Everyday a million different thoughts go through our heads and sometimes, if we're lucky, something really genius pops up. We convince ourselves that these ideas are unrealistic and assume the idea would tank before even trying.

So, I challenge you to follow through! Have a great idea and do something about it! I know I plan on great things in the not so distant future!

Helicopter Mom

Last summer, an Uncle of mine referred to me as a "helicopter" Mom. At the time, I had no idea what this term meant. (A helicopter parent is someone who hovers over their kids.) I disagreed with him at the time and was honestly pretty offended. Now, looking back, I take it as a compliment.

Being a "helicopter" Mom means to me that I am present in my children's lives. I watch out for them and try my best to keep them safe. I don't attach myself to them with handcuffs and follow them around the playground, but I keep an eye on them. Even when they're not with me, I catch myself double checking in the review mirror for them, before reminding myself they're at school or home with Daddy. I put my kids and their safety first.

All of this said, my kid's fight their own battles. They make mistakes and learn from them. They fall off the monkey bars and get back up. My kids are confident, well-adjusted, friendly and polite. They do crazy things like all kids do, but at the end of the day, I am an incredibly proud Mom, who would do anything for her kids.

There will come a time when I can't be there for them, but when that day comes, I will be able to look back and know that I instilled all of the good in them that I could. I will know that I kept them safe and taught them how to keep themselves safe. I will never regret being a "helicopter" Mom.

Are YOU a "helicopter" Mom?

Being Happy...

My Son is Allergic to Dust

Since March of this year, my 7 year old son has had irregularities with his breathing. To be honest, when I first noticed it, I thought he was faking. He had been going through a rough patch and it seemed like it might be another way to get my attention.

A few weeks later, my mother noticed his sporadic laboured breathing as well. So, finally, I took him to our family doctor. At the initial appointment, our doctor brushed it off as viral and said it would pass in time. A month later, and it hadn't gotten any worse, but certainly wasn't any better. Back to the doctor we went. At this point he took things a little more seriously and suggested a pulmonary function test and allergy testing. It would be up to 8 weeks until we got him into the clinic.

Since we weren't going to get any immediate action, we decided to try a dairy elimination trial for 2 weeks, as dairy is the number one culprit for respiratory issues among children. The trial went well, and improved the foul aroma of his gas, but did not improve his breathing...at all. I can also say that his behavior has improved recently as well. Is this connected to the dairy elimination? Possibly.

Finally today, 5 weeks after the second doctor's appointment, we got him into the allergy clinic. Turns out that he is allergic to dust and dust mites. Now, is this the culprit to his breathing troubles? Only time will tell. In the meantime, we have removed all, but one, stuffed animals from his room, taken any unnecessary blankets off his bed, removed a shelf, many books and a bunch of extra clutter. We will also invest in anti-allergy mattress cover and pillow cases.

When the doctor first gave my son the news, he got a little choked up, because he thought this meant getting rid of all of his stuffed animals.I have to say that I am incredibly proud of my son today. He sat through the testing of maybe 20 pin pricks and didn't even complain. He then sat still for 20 minutes and didn't scratch when the the dust spots started to irritate his skin. When we got home, he helped me with his room and even came up with toys, books and little trinkets that he wants to donate.

I had hoped that the testing would give us a very definitive answer on what has been going on with my son, but instead it feels more like we are starting another trial. We're still waiting for the pulmonary function test. To be continued...

Dolls-Good or bad image role models?

Shopping with my daughters today, I felt absolutely sickened by the appearance of a particular doll my 4 year old pointed out. I thought Barbie sent the wrong message, but look at the above picture for just a moment. She looks to be dressed in a French maid's costume, highly malnourished and possibly leaning against a stripper pole. Is this a doll for adults or children??

There isn't a perfect design solution to these dolls, as someone or some group will always find fault, but she could certainly stand a few extra inches around the middle, less "sexy" attire and better positioning in the package. 

In 1997, when Barbie was redesigned, she went from having a tiny waist, big hips, long legs, small feet and large/cone shaped breasts to having a slightly larger waist, big head, big lips, big feet and loads of makeup. So, I ask you, was this an improvement? 

According to Wikipedia,"Barbie's vital statistics have been estimated at 36 inches (chest), 18 inches (waist) and 33 inches (hips). At 5'9" tall and weighing 110 lbs, Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia." Children are bombarded with so many poor role models through television, magazines, social media and even their dolls. They grow up idolizing figures that have come from  incredibly strict regimes of diet and exercise, or drug abuse and malnourishment. Kids need healthy body images to aspire to. 

I have so much respect for people like Gwen Stefani who make it very clear that she works incredibly hard to be so fit. She doesn't look that incredible without working hard for it. At least girls know, when they look at her, that she wasn't born with that figure. Barbie should be redesigned to look more like Gwen-healthy, fit and funky! Now that is a doll I could support buying!

When I was little, my Mom caught me making faces in the rear view mirror in our car. When she asked me what I was doing, I told her I was "practicing my smile." She smiled back at me and said, "But you already have a beautiful smile, Jacqueline, and it's what is inside that matters most." I thought very carefully about what Mom had told me and after a few minutes said, "Does that mean bones are more important than skin?" Children are so innocent. We have an absolute responsibility to them to teach them right from wrong and provide them with positive images and role models. They believe what we teach them and show them. They aren't born racist, judgemental or critical. They aren't born with a sense of fashion or body image. We, as a society, teach them what to aspire to and what to believe in.

Toy companies are getting worse rather than better, in terms of providing positive images for our children. Dolls are more scandalous and GI Joe is somehow even more violent. As long as we continue to buy these toys for our kids, companies will continue to make and sell them. Why don't more people care about what our kids are being exposed to? I know I'm not alone in this.

I have two main rules when buying toys for my kids. 1-No guns and 2-Dolls must be appropriately dressed. I don't think that's asking too much.

Where do you stand on all of this? I would love to hear from you!

Write for the Joy of it

I've always been told that writing is in my blood. My grandfather was both a journalist and novelist. He wrote for papers in both Ontario and New Brunswick. Some of my fondest memories of him involve him sitting in front of his trusty typewriter, refusing to learn how to use a computer. My father is a writer as well. He has a column every week in the local paper. It was given to him after his many, many letters to the editor, almost always on the topic of politics.

It has been suggested to me recently that I should "pick a couple of topics to write about and master them", but I can't help but feel that it would take away the joy of writing. I write to express my feelings on subjects that influence my life in one way or another. I write to wind down after a wild day of chasing around very energetic children. I write to escape.

So, from now on, I will be making zero effort to narrow down my blog. I won't be writing solely about nutrition, news or pet peeves. I will write whatever comes to me, because after all, this blog is for me and if it helps someone, motivates someone, informs someone, or simply puts a smile on someone's face...well that will be a great bonus.

So, thank you to those who have enjoyed reading my blog posts at one point or another. There will be many more to come...as I will be writing for the joy of it!

Texting While Driving

Dear Joe Texter,

Ever since New Brunswick made it illegal to text while driving you have become an even bigger hazard on the road. Instead of occasionally glancing down at your texts, you now feel the need to hang your head down low and not remotely discreetly check your texts, while driving, anyway. Who do you think you're fooling?!

I see you at every single stop light, traffic jam and driving 120 km/hr on the highway. I see you in parking lots, running stop signs, nearly rear ending the person in front of you... YOU are everywhere!

What will it take for you to get that it's illegal for a reason? A bigger fine? Or will you only learn this lesson when it's already too late?

When I drive my precious cargo around, aka my kids, I don't want to see you. I don't want to take every precaution to get my kids around safely, just to have you screw it up.

People die for all kinds of reasons everyday, but this killer is 100% avoidable. So, next time you get into your car, turn your cell off and put it in your glove box because your texts can wait!

Sincerely,

FRUSTRATED

Miss Bree at k945-welcome!

Miss Bree is a welcomed new addition to the k945 Moncton team! This morning Josh made a comment about his love of bacon and how it would make a nice birthday present. Bree responded with "I like you too much to buy you bacon" and followed it up with a lesson on nitrates in bacon and other processed meats.Radio hosts have an incredible opportunity to educate and be positive role models. Go Bree!!

Tragic:Forgotten Babies Die in Sweltering Hot Cars

In the United States alone, 506 children have died, between 1998 and present, as a result of being left in a hot vehicle. 52% of these children were deemed "forgotten" by their caregivers. (http://www.ggweather.com/heat/)

A 12 month old baby girl  has died after being left in a sweltering hot car. The mother is being charged with Second Degree Felony Child Abandonment. The incident took place outside an elementary school, where the mother is a teacher. This was just yesterday, May 17, 2013, in Dallas, Texas.

On May 16, 2013, an 11 month old baby boy was found dead in the family vehicle, after the mother left him there and went inside their home. Six months prior to this incident, the mother was charged with Driving While Intoxicated and Child Neglect. She had been found passed out in the car with the baby beside her, the car was still in drive. She is charged with Aggravated Manslaughter. This took place in Miami,  Florida.

On May 10, 2013, a 5 month old baby girl was found dead in a parked car outside of a highschool in El Paso, Texas. The mother is a teacher there. No charges have yet been laid.

On May 8, 2013. a 2 year old boy was found dead in an over heated car in Sweden. He was found 8 hours after his father forgot to drop him off at daycare. He could be charged with Aggravated Manslaughter.

In more than half of the cases of children dying in heated cars, the parents have claimed to have forgotten their child, specifically when doing things outside of their routines. The most common scenario is of a parent who doesn't normally take their child to daycare and forgets the child, goes to work, and only realizes what they've done once it is already too late. As for the other 48%, 29% die from getting into an unattended vehicle and become trapped, 18% are left intentionally and 1% is unknown. This tells me that 81% of these deaths could have easily been avoided.

When we live our lives by a very strict routine, we do things without thinking. We wake up, have a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush our teeth, grab our bag and head out the door. Sometimes we perform all of our daily tasks and hardly have any recollection of doing them because they are such ingrained parts of our daily existence. But lets say tomorrow you wake up and your spouse asks you, amidst morning household chaos, to take your son or daughter to daycare. They even go so far as to strap him or her into their carseat for you and while you finish putting your shoes on, your child falls asleep in their seat. This scenario is all it takes for a child to be forgotten. 

So, I ask you, does this make you a bad person? Does forgetting your child in the car make you a child killer? Isn't the heart ache enough punishment to this families? But that said, how do you prove it was an accident?

My heart aches for the families who lost their babies in situations just like these. We, as parents, have to devise our own reminder systems to insure that no baby is ever forgotten. 

Our First Family Organic Garden

Do you ever wander around the grocery store, over-thinking every purchase decision you make? Whether it's because of the pesticides used or the unpronounceable ingredient list, most of us have second guessed our grocery purchases at one point or another. This has become even more true for me since I started making homemade baby food and organic carrots became no longer available at our grocery store.So, I decided to take matters into my own hands...literally.

After taking Holistic Nutrition last year, I had every intention on starting a vegetable garden with my family, but something about being enormously pregnant, and the extreme heat, made me keep putting it off.

So finally, last weekend, me and my family chose a variety of organic seeds and a little dome with pods of soil to start some seeds before planting them outside. Most of the packages said that germination (when the plant starts to grow from the seed) would take place between 7 and 14 days. After only 5 days, our cucumber plants are already an inch above the soil and our tomato plants are roughly half that size.  So exciting! My kids are so interested in watching them grow and keep asking how long until they can see the vegetables. What a great experience for them! We're still waiting on the cayenne peppers and green peppers to make an appearance, but I'm sure they're on their way.

Once the final frost has come and gone, we will be transplanting our mini plants into our new garden and also planting zucchini, green beans, carrots, lettuce, snow peas, garlic chives and chives. There is something so thrilling about knowing that we will be growing our own food, in organic soil, in our very own backyard! Up until recently, I knew absolutely nothing about gardening, but after researching online, and having a great conversation with a seasoned gardener, we're off and running!

When gardening, you can have a fair amount of success with little to no prior knowledge, but one thing I recommend looking into is companion planting. There are plants that are best grown near each other and others that should be kept at a distance. For example, planting basil near tomatoes can actually help improve their taste. Planting onions near carrots help repel carrot flies, etc. There is so much information on the internet on this topic. Just type "companion planting" and you will have tons of sites to reference.

I have no expectations for our first garden, but with the amount of positive attention these little plants are getting, I'm sure it's going to be great. I highly recommend planting a garden with your family. It's a great activity for everyone to be involved in and the kids love to see what can grow out of even the tiniest little seed.

Happy gardening!