Over the past couple of years, I have started to see some of my friends get divorced. Divorce is nothing new in my life. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was four years old. My brother divorced...probably 20 years ago. I'm all too familiar with the ramifications of both staying together for the wrong reasons and finally divorcing for the right reasons.
None of my friends/family members took the decision lightly. In fact many of them spent years being unhappy together for their kids sake before making the decision. I don't think I agree with staying together "just for the kids"...although I completely understand it.
The dynamic of a divorced family is difficult at the best of times. There are few exceptions, of course, when a divorce is so amicable that the family unit stays a unit in some sense. The adults are able to see the bigger picture and act in a way that is advantageous to the children. I have so much respect for people who can rise above their bitterness and act in the best interest of their children. It took my parents 10 years to get to that place.
It has been for many years now that my parents act friendly towards one and other. We can all have a sit down meal together and everyone is friendly. On a good day, they'll even reminisce about the "good ole days" and talk about how amazing their grandchildren are. Those days are very special. It makes me sad that my kids will never know their grandparents as a unit. They are Grampa and Nana, separately, but that doesn't bother my kids any.
I am so grateful to have parents who love me and love my kids more than I could have ever imagined. I am so grateful for parents who will come together for grandkids birthdays, graduations, weddings and celebrations and there are no harsh words or angry stares. There is just love. Maybe not for each other, but for their shared loved ones.
All of that said, I have many examples in my life of couples that should have never, ever stayed together. I don't believe that people should stay together if they are miserable. Marriage is hard. Marriage takes work and the desire to make it work. In this day and age, although expensive, divorce is way too easy and often taken too lightly. We are raising today's generation to think that marriage isn't forever, it's just for now. We are raising them in a time where a divorce can be granted by a few simple clicks of the mouse. Marriage is supposed to mean more than that.
So to all my family and friends getting divorced in 2014; I think you are very brave. This was not an easy choice, but I know you have tried to make things work, in some cases for a very long time. You deserve happiness.
Much love.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
Student Loan Rant
Student loans...where to begin?
For my husband to go to university, he had to get student loans. He did a year of French Immersion, his Bachelor of Arts and his Bachelor of Education. He is now a permanent French teacher, which in Canada Student Loans minds means that he can afford to be in repayment of his loans. I understand that they want their money back, but can't they wait until he has been permanent at least a year before demanding payment? It took 5 years for him to get permanent. It took 5 years of supply teaching and working a second job to get permanent. It took a lot of patience and moving out of province for him to get permanent. We are in debt up to our eyeballs because of the journey it took to finally get here...and after all this hard work, we're going to be worse off financially than when he didn't have permanent because of his student loan. Ugh!
Why does university have to be so darn expensive?! The cost of university is ridiculous! We will be paying off his student loans for our entire adult lives. There is no end to them in the foreseeable future. There is something very wrong with this picture!
I, on the other hand, have very little student loans. I was fortunate to have my father pay for most of my education, but that said, I'm working for near minimum wage because there are very few decent jobs in the area we live in...which we moved to solely for my husband to get a permanent teaching job. Double ugh!
Feels like we just can't get ahead! I know we're not alone on this. What a mess of a system we live in. I'm so tempted to move somewhere in the deep North or far West just to get ahead financially.
So, just so we're clear...if we make more money, our student loan repayment increases by a lot, which means that we actually have even less money than we do now. So making more money would actually be a financial burden. Yup...that's right. Figure that one out!
End rant.
For my husband to go to university, he had to get student loans. He did a year of French Immersion, his Bachelor of Arts and his Bachelor of Education. He is now a permanent French teacher, which in Canada Student Loans minds means that he can afford to be in repayment of his loans. I understand that they want their money back, but can't they wait until he has been permanent at least a year before demanding payment? It took 5 years for him to get permanent. It took 5 years of supply teaching and working a second job to get permanent. It took a lot of patience and moving out of province for him to get permanent. We are in debt up to our eyeballs because of the journey it took to finally get here...and after all this hard work, we're going to be worse off financially than when he didn't have permanent because of his student loan. Ugh!
Why does university have to be so darn expensive?! The cost of university is ridiculous! We will be paying off his student loans for our entire adult lives. There is no end to them in the foreseeable future. There is something very wrong with this picture!
I, on the other hand, have very little student loans. I was fortunate to have my father pay for most of my education, but that said, I'm working for near minimum wage because there are very few decent jobs in the area we live in...which we moved to solely for my husband to get a permanent teaching job. Double ugh!
Feels like we just can't get ahead! I know we're not alone on this. What a mess of a system we live in. I'm so tempted to move somewhere in the deep North or far West just to get ahead financially.
So, just so we're clear...if we make more money, our student loan repayment increases by a lot, which means that we actually have even less money than we do now. So making more money would actually be a financial burden. Yup...that's right. Figure that one out!
End rant.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Friday, July 18, 2014
The Financial Burdens of Living in the Maritimes
Exactly a year ago, my husband was offered a term teaching contract in Nova Scotia. He had spent the previous few years supply teaching and working full-time at a call centre in New Brunswick, so we took the chance that the term might lead to a permanent contract, and packed up our family and headed to Nova Scotia. It was a big risk, selling our house, leaving our friends and family...but we had struggled for years and felt this was our best chance in him finally having a career.
Last month, he had to apply for his own job, since it was posted this year as a permanent position, and compete with other applicants. Thankfully, he was the most qualified and finally earned a spot as a permanent teacher. Relief.
Relief for him, and financially for our family, but now what do I do? Nova Scotia is an expensive province. Gas costs more, food costs more, housing costs more and daycare costs more. So, I am stuck with a major dilemma. Do I put my three kids in daycare, work for close to minimum wage and possibly clear $200 a month? Or do I work evenings, avoid daycare, but still only work for close to minimum wage and miss evenings with my family five times a week? Neither option is ideal...far from it.
I can't help but feel that we live in a system that sets us up to fail. The Universal Childcare Benefit was created to help offset daycare expense, but why then is it paid out to each and every family, even those who do not use or require daycare? Why is it not put directly into the daycares, subsidizing the expense for those who require the service?
With one decent income, my husband's, and one pathetic one, mine, we pay our basic bills and can afford our groceries, but there is nothing left for debt repayment. Nothing left to pay off my husband's student loans and certainly nothing left for anything "fun". How are people surviving financially here? Oh that's right...they're not. They're all moving out West.
Unless you're a doctor, dentist, lawyer, or something similarly paid, you don't stand a chance of thriving financially in the Maritimes. Your life will be full in many ways by living here, but you need money to sustain that life.
What a sad, sad thing that the government cares so little about its people that they make minimum wage so low that no viable life is possible. It's almost as if they want us to depend on them more and end up on social assistance and employment insurance. I made more money on maternity leave than I can working 40 hours a week and paying out daycare. That is a sad statement. No wonder some women keep popping out babies. The more babies you have, the more funding the government gives you. They are more interested in the resulting pay cheque than in the resulting human being. Heart breaking, but true.
For the average, hard working person, life is financially very difficult. No wonder many people on social assistance aren't motivated to go back to work. They make more out of work. I struggle processing that a person can make more by doing nothing than by working themselves ragged. What kind of system is this?!
I know I am not alone in my frustrations. Many of my friends are in the same situation. Some are choosing to head out West, others are trying to tough it out here as long as they can bare it...but eventually, will we all have to abandon the Maritimes? What can be done to fix this mess? A new Prime Minister would probably be a good start, but then what?
I would love to hear your solution to this giant mess. Comment welcomed!
Last month, he had to apply for his own job, since it was posted this year as a permanent position, and compete with other applicants. Thankfully, he was the most qualified and finally earned a spot as a permanent teacher. Relief.
Relief for him, and financially for our family, but now what do I do? Nova Scotia is an expensive province. Gas costs more, food costs more, housing costs more and daycare costs more. So, I am stuck with a major dilemma. Do I put my three kids in daycare, work for close to minimum wage and possibly clear $200 a month? Or do I work evenings, avoid daycare, but still only work for close to minimum wage and miss evenings with my family five times a week? Neither option is ideal...far from it.
I can't help but feel that we live in a system that sets us up to fail. The Universal Childcare Benefit was created to help offset daycare expense, but why then is it paid out to each and every family, even those who do not use or require daycare? Why is it not put directly into the daycares, subsidizing the expense for those who require the service?
With one decent income, my husband's, and one pathetic one, mine, we pay our basic bills and can afford our groceries, but there is nothing left for debt repayment. Nothing left to pay off my husband's student loans and certainly nothing left for anything "fun". How are people surviving financially here? Oh that's right...they're not. They're all moving out West.
Unless you're a doctor, dentist, lawyer, or something similarly paid, you don't stand a chance of thriving financially in the Maritimes. Your life will be full in many ways by living here, but you need money to sustain that life.
What a sad, sad thing that the government cares so little about its people that they make minimum wage so low that no viable life is possible. It's almost as if they want us to depend on them more and end up on social assistance and employment insurance. I made more money on maternity leave than I can working 40 hours a week and paying out daycare. That is a sad statement. No wonder some women keep popping out babies. The more babies you have, the more funding the government gives you. They are more interested in the resulting pay cheque than in the resulting human being. Heart breaking, but true.
For the average, hard working person, life is financially very difficult. No wonder many people on social assistance aren't motivated to go back to work. They make more out of work. I struggle processing that a person can make more by doing nothing than by working themselves ragged. What kind of system is this?!
I know I am not alone in my frustrations. Many of my friends are in the same situation. Some are choosing to head out West, others are trying to tough it out here as long as they can bare it...but eventually, will we all have to abandon the Maritimes? What can be done to fix this mess? A new Prime Minister would probably be a good start, but then what?
I would love to hear your solution to this giant mess. Comment welcomed!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
A Good Karma Kind of Day!
My Mom and I were out for a walk when we saw a "FREE" sign on a really great desk. My son has been asking for a desk for two years now...so we crossed the street to check it out. We ended up chatting with two extremely nice girls. Their mother had just passed away from lung cancer (she wasn't even a smoker!), and they were left with her home full of things to distribute, sell, donate, etc. After a really lovely chat, they gave us a desk, a printer, 2 space heaters, a rug and some kitchen things. They were especially thrilled at how happy my son was to build Lego at his new desk. They wanted nothing in return...so I gave them wine. They were ecstatic! They said their mother would be so happy that her things went to such nice people. It was a touching experience.
Later today, I happened to meet a man and his family who had just come in from a fishing excursion and he had caught a big cod. Being a visitor to the area, he didn't have a place to cook, or freeze, his catch. So, without a thought in my head, I offered to cook it for him. He was reluctant to accept without payment, but I assured him that we, myself and my husband, were happy to help. We even delivered the final product to him at the hotel they were staying at. When we arrived, he gifted us with a lovely bottle of wine. What a nice surprise!
There was a lot of good karma going around today. Had to share!
Later today, I happened to meet a man and his family who had just come in from a fishing excursion and he had caught a big cod. Being a visitor to the area, he didn't have a place to cook, or freeze, his catch. So, without a thought in my head, I offered to cook it for him. He was reluctant to accept without payment, but I assured him that we, myself and my husband, were happy to help. We even delivered the final product to him at the hotel they were staying at. When we arrived, he gifted us with a lovely bottle of wine. What a nice surprise!
There was a lot of good karma going around today. Had to share!
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