If your child is viewed as "different", for whatever reason, school life is going to be hard. People are going to prey on their differences, their weaknesses and say and do mean things to make themselves feel better about themselves. As a parent, your heart will break a little, a lot, every time your child comes home with a distressed look on their face. If you're lucky, your child will reach out to you. Listen. Listen to every single word they say and take it seriously, because to them, it is serious.
Bullying can come in many forms. Sometimes it's verbal. Do not brush this one off. Verbal abuse is as damaging, if not more so, than physical. Physical abuse can be as simple as a shove in the hall. In this day in age, one of the most common is the cowardly action of cyber-bullying. Our kids are growing up in an age where nothing is private and reactions can go "viral" in seconds. There is also something called "Relational" bullying, which my son has been victim to, but I never knew the term. Relational bullying is when other kids deliberately exclude a child, or children from an activity or group.
One thing I have found the hardest in dealing with these child-bullies is actually not the child at all. It's the parents who think their child walks on water. "Oh little Johnny isn't a bully. He lets everything roll off his back. He thought your child would do that same. I didn't know your child was soooo sensitive." I could just scream! Yes, my child is sensitive when it comes to incessant name calling and bullying. Is my child perfect? Nope! Does my child do things that are displeasing at times? Absolutely! I do not have my blinders on when it comes to my kids. They are flawed humans...we all are. It's these cocky kids, who think they're entitled to everything, who grow up to have really, crucially poor judgement. They are, in my opinion, a danger to the average child.
Schools say they have a zero tolerance policy to this type of behaviour, but it couldn't be further from the truth. Kids treat other kids horribly and get away with it every single day. Sometimes the kids aren't bringing it to their teacher's attention, because they're embarrassed or scared...but sometimes they bring it to the attention of the school and nothing more is done than a simple, "Were you mean? Yes. Don't do it again. Ok." That simply isn't enough! Our kids need to know that the adults in their lives are there to help and protect them for these bullies.
Today I feel so angry for my child. I feel like I should be doing more and helping more. For now, I will love him like crazy and make sure he knows his family loves and supports him. My one closing piece of advice is this;Love your kids, but know they do not walk on water. Watch for the signs, good or bad, that something is going on in your child's life and help them through it. We live in a scary, but at times wonderful, world. Pay attention.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Friendship Isn't About Who You've Known The Longest...
Growing up I always felt like I was on the outside of the group. I was friends with all the "cool" kids, but never ever felt at home. As an adult, I haven't maintained a true friendship with any of those people and it's abundantly clear why. They were not my "people". They were not my true friends...not even close.
As an adult, it has taken me many years to find my place. I always told myself that I didn't need friends and that my family was enough. Don't get me wrong, I have an incredible family, but everyone needs a friend or two.
I would go to the "Mommy & Me" groups and feel like a fraud. I would go places with people, who were actively trying to be my friends, and I would feel sad. I wasn't experiencing social anxiety, I was just acutely aware of not feeling like myself amidst these people. I would come off as shy, when really I just felt deeply out of place. I didn't want to only talk about breast feeding all day. I didn't want to talk about mommy issues all day. I wanted to be surrounded by people who remembered that although being a mother is likely our greatest achievement, there was more to talk about than eco-friendly diapers and co-sleeping.
I am saddened to think that many of us, sometimes me too, live in a constant state of "junior high". Women can be so cruel. The gossiping and chatter doesn't end in junior high, it continues and follows us through life. The judging, the criticisms....why can't women just lift each other up and see the good in each other?! How often do you hear a woman say that she prefers to hang out with men? TOO OFTEN! It is because men are simple. They address their issues and move on. Sometimes that may simply involve a shoulder shrug, or maybe some choice words...but the point is that they deal and move on. Women bottle their issues, let them fester and then explode...or implode. I am OVER IT!
Fast forward to my 30's and I have finally found my crew; a group of incredible, relateable, strong, real women. Women who are themselves when we hangout. Women who are wonderful mothers, and share stories of their children, but also know there is more in their lives than whether or not little Johnny has a diaper rash. Women who are supportive of each other's aspirations and lift each other up instead of knocking each other down. Women who are there when you need them, but know when to give you space, and women who are confident enough in your friendship that they don't need to hound you daily with the need for validation. Now don't get me wrong, having such amazing women-friends takes work, but they are so worth it!
We dance together, we laugh together and sometimes we cry together...while laughing or dancing...but the point is, we are ourselves together. What a gift true friendship is! I never would have thought I'd find it as an adult...or ever really, but here it is.
My last words of semi-wisdom are these: Don't settle, in any aspect of your life. If your friends don't feel right to you, it's because they aren't. I believe, very strongly, that there are people out there for all of us. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find them. Listen to your inner voice. He/she knows what they're talking about!
As an adult, it has taken me many years to find my place. I always told myself that I didn't need friends and that my family was enough. Don't get me wrong, I have an incredible family, but everyone needs a friend or two.
I would go to the "Mommy & Me" groups and feel like a fraud. I would go places with people, who were actively trying to be my friends, and I would feel sad. I wasn't experiencing social anxiety, I was just acutely aware of not feeling like myself amidst these people. I would come off as shy, when really I just felt deeply out of place. I didn't want to only talk about breast feeding all day. I didn't want to talk about mommy issues all day. I wanted to be surrounded by people who remembered that although being a mother is likely our greatest achievement, there was more to talk about than eco-friendly diapers and co-sleeping.
I am saddened to think that many of us, sometimes me too, live in a constant state of "junior high". Women can be so cruel. The gossiping and chatter doesn't end in junior high, it continues and follows us through life. The judging, the criticisms....why can't women just lift each other up and see the good in each other?! How often do you hear a woman say that she prefers to hang out with men? TOO OFTEN! It is because men are simple. They address their issues and move on. Sometimes that may simply involve a shoulder shrug, or maybe some choice words...but the point is that they deal and move on. Women bottle their issues, let them fester and then explode...or implode. I am OVER IT!
Fast forward to my 30's and I have finally found my crew; a group of incredible, relateable, strong, real women. Women who are themselves when we hangout. Women who are wonderful mothers, and share stories of their children, but also know there is more in their lives than whether or not little Johnny has a diaper rash. Women who are supportive of each other's aspirations and lift each other up instead of knocking each other down. Women who are there when you need them, but know when to give you space, and women who are confident enough in your friendship that they don't need to hound you daily with the need for validation. Now don't get me wrong, having such amazing women-friends takes work, but they are so worth it!
We dance together, we laugh together and sometimes we cry together...while laughing or dancing...but the point is, we are ourselves together. What a gift true friendship is! I never would have thought I'd find it as an adult...or ever really, but here it is.
My last words of semi-wisdom are these: Don't settle, in any aspect of your life. If your friends don't feel right to you, it's because they aren't. I believe, very strongly, that there are people out there for all of us. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find them. Listen to your inner voice. He/she knows what they're talking about!
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