Mean Girls at Every Age and Stage

Women tend to be more sensitive, yet more judgemental. We gossip more, yet we hate to think we are gossiped about. We can't stand mean girls, yet we are mean to one and other. Why oh why do so many women treat other women so poorly at every age and stage of life?

My daughter is the victim of mean girls on the playground and she is only 5 years old. The other day at recess, a group of three girls asked my daughter to play hide and seek. So she closed her eyes, counted to 10 and when she opened her eyes, the girls pointed, laughed at her and ran off to play another game right in front of her. How can such young girls be so mean?! I naively thought this type of behaviour started in junior high. I had no idea I would have to deal with my daughter's heart break at such a very young age.

The same day this happened to my daughter, I had a "mean girl" experience myself. I was at the gym, and a group of women in their 50's very openly whispered, while staring at me, and then started to laugh. What is wrong with people?!! Yes, my hair's dyed platinum. Deal with it!

My Mom has always told me that this is how women behave when they are jealous. I don't always believe this to be the case, but I can honestly say that I have caught myself judging someone, or unfairly disliking them, because of my own insecurities or jealousy. Is this reaction just born into us?

I see all of this nastiness coming into my sweet daughter's life and I want to believe it's not an issue of jealousy. I want to believe that doesn't start at age 5...but then I think about how she has better fashion sense than most adults, and most certainly better than Mommy. I think about her beautiful curly hair and her sparkling eyes. I think about how creative and wonderful she is. I know I'm biased, but are they jealous? Is that why my daughter has recently stopped wearing her dresses that she so loves?

Being a parent, being a woman, certainly has its challenges, but I am actively going to work on being less judgemental, less jealous and more grateful. I will work on being more kind, more thoughtful and more accepting and I will make sure my daughter learns the importance of this lesson she is having to learn at such a very young age.

Be kind, at every age and stage of life!

Alone on the Playground

At different times during my childhood, my Mom would say things like, "When you're a mother, you will understand how a parent can hurt for their child." I always brushed her off with a, "Yeah, yeah, Mom." Now, a Mom of 3 crazy kids, I finally completely understand what she meant.

Recently my family moved and my kids started at a new school. In no time at all, my son amassed a group of friends and settled into his new spot at their really wonderful school. He didn't even really have a period of transition. He was happy there right away, made friends and loves his teachers. He even started listening in class, which was a huge accomplishment for him. My daughter has had a completely different experience.

For a seemingly wild and happy little girl, she is very shy, when she's not at home. She clams right up, and until recently, wouldn't even order her food at a restaurant on her own. It's incredible to see the transition from the upbeat, actress, princess we have at home to the quiet girl, who keeps to herself at school. She makes for the ideal student and all of her teachers love her. She listens extremely well, answers questions when asked and does all her work happily and with great care, but she plays alone at recess. Sometimes she doesn't even play. Sometimes she just walks laps around the play park until recess is over. At what age does this become a concern?

I have tried talking to her about this. I have tried encouraging her to ask the other kids to play. She has a few times and the other kids are happy to play with her, but she doesn't seem to forge friendships, just plays with them once and then not again. On the other hand, she plays really well with her siblings...well, as well as any child can play with their siblings.

I have to admit, I'm a bit of a loner myself. I thoroughly enjoy time to myself and am very picky about who I befriend. If I can't be 100% myself with a person, I don't have room in my life for them. Life is far too short to be anything but yourself, as long as no one else gets hurt in the process.

Today, when I picked up the kids at school, my daughter ran up to me and proudly said, "Mommy, guess what?! I asked a girl to play at recess and we played...until two other girls came over and then I got left out." I don't know if she actually got left out, or fell back when more kids joined in the group. All I know is that my heart literally ached to see the sadness in her eyes.

As the school year goes on, my son gets invited to birthday parties and friends houses to play after school, and my daughter's feelings are hurt every time. Occasionally she gets invited with him, but then she gets left out because she's younger and quiet. Recently we visited family friends and their daughter was so excited to see my son and visibly less excited to see my daughter. She of course picked up on this right away, and with tears in her eyes, quietly said to me, "She doesn't seem excited to see me, Mommy". Yet another heart crushing moment.

It's amazing to me how a person could have 10 children and they would all have their very own unique personalities. I have one child who meets new people with complete ease and confidence. He has excellent manners when meeting people and is very considerate of other people's feelings. He always holds doors for people, says hi to people and compliments our server at a restaurant if they were particularly friendly and/or efficient. I guess he's sort of beyond his years in that way. Then I have a little girl who is absolutely sweet, loving, thoughtful, polite and creative, but is incredibly timid and lacks confidence when meeting new people.

For now my solution is to let her join the activities outside of school that she's interested in and hope that she finds friendship through common interests. I've already spoken to her teacher, who is incredibly supportive and helpful, and she is rotating the kids seating each week and trying to sit my daughter with kids she thinks she will like. Other than that, all I can do is show my daughter all the love and support I can and work on her confidence.

Do you have a shy child? Did they grow out of it? Let me know! I'd love to know how you handled it. It's breaking my heart to see my daughter hurt like this. I don't want her to be alone on the playground anymore.

Nova Scotia-Where common courtesies are common!

For 7 years, I lived in an area where common courtesies were not so common. Things like holding the door for someone, making eye contact, smiling at strangers rarely happens and when it does, you nearly faint out of total shock that there are still polite people out there. How sad a statement. Well, I'm here to tell you that common courtesies are very common in Nova Scotia.

Everyday, whether I'm in Lunenburg or Halifax, people are incredibly helpful and polite. People hold the door every single time. People smile at strangers and let people with small children go first in-line at the grocery store. People help carry your things if your hands are full and would literally offer you the shirt off their back if you needed it. Random strangers pay attention to you and make you feel important. In shops, you are given their undivided attention, no matter how small or large your purchase is.

Lunenburg Waterfront

In addition to friendly people, Nova Scotia has the added bonus of being an absolutely beautiful province of varied terrain. What you see in Cape Breton is completely unlike the South Shore, but all equally as captivating.

When you visit Lunenburg, make sure you take time to stroll the waterfront and breathe in the salt sea air, say hello to the Bluenose II, visit the quaint shops and friendly staff, grab a coffee (or delicious hot chocolate) at Shop on the Corner and eat lunch at The Knot Pub. Save some time to take a tour of Ironworks Distillery. The knowledgeable staff will walk you through the process of distilling their tasty spirits and give you a sample taste of your choosing. If you're here on a Thursday, attend the farmers market, full of local organic farmers, bakers, that are true artists, and try a pepito (sort of a triangular croissant filled with chocolate chips and possibly a thin spread of custard). Life is simple here and truly beautiful.

Are people just more polite here or genuinely happier? I don't know the answer to that, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's both. Waking up everyday and looking out over the water instantly puts a smile on my face. Even walking to the local post office is a joy, because I encounter so many friendly faces along the way. Store owners wave out the window as you walk by and the post office staff know everyone by name! They even have treats waiting for all the doggies who pop by!

If you have ever been lucky enough to visit Nova Scotia, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you haven't been here yet, put it on your bucket list and make it happen!

www.novascotia.com
www.explorelunenburg.ca

Lunenburg Waterfront

Ironworks Distillery in Lunenburg

Hirtle's Beach, near Lunenburg

Bluerocks Wharf

Cable Ferry to the famous Lahave Bakery

Arbor View Inn, Lunenburg

To be or not to be vegetarian?

A couple of years ago, I watched numerous documentaries on animal cruelty, specifically about how cows and chickens are treated, prior to being slaughtered. I had some vague idea of what went on, but watching these films gave me a whole new perspective. So, my husband and I decided to become pescetarians. We did really well with it for roughly 6 months. When we skipped turkey at Christmas, our families knew that we were serious about our decision, but then I found out I was pregnant with our daughter...and the cravings began.

Throughout my whole pregnancy, I craved ground beef in marinara sauce. I didn't feel like it was the right time in my life to not listen to what my body wanted, so we went back to eating meat, but significantly less than before.

Now that my daughter is 1 year old, I'm starting to think about making some major dietary changes. I'm basically off dairy now, with an occasional "cheat", but I'm thinking I want to go off animal products all together. I have a really hard time believing that it is even remotely natural, healthy or morally correct to eat animals. I can't lie though, I will miss my occasional bbq burger that my husband makes me. This will give me a great excuse to experiment in the kitchen and create an amazing vegetarian burger from things like chick peas, lentils, onions and garlic. Mmmmm....

So now, I need some help. I would love it if you would tell me about your favourite vegetarian recipes. I've spent so many years planning dinners around meat, so I really need to retrain my way of thinking at meal time.

Thank you in advance for sharing!

Changing Habits

Surprise me

No matter what I do, or don't do, I always seem to uncover surprises my husband has planned for me. To be honest, I was pretty sure he had given up trying to do anything for me at all...

Today, while I was out checking the mail and grabbing a hot chocolate to go, I got chatting with the shop's barista and ended up telling her that I had recently moved to the area. One topic lead to another and before I knew it, she was telling me that my husband had asked her daughter to babysit for us on Valentine's. Oopsie. She felt terrible for telling me, but we had a good laugh about it.

So once again, I spoiled the surprise. I don't actively try to find things out. I certainly did as a child. I was the master at present-snooping, but as an adult, I would genuinely love a surprise once and awhile, since most days are completely routine and predictable.

I do have to quickly mention my all time favourite surprise...one that I somehow managed to not spoil. My husband and I were living in Halifax in our first apartment together. There was a knock at the door and he hollered at me to get it. When I answered, he was there with a series of bristol board messages, like the scene in Love Actually. It was completely perfect. He even tried to write in a similar way as in the movie. I loved it. Check out the actual movie scene here.

Gotta run! Time to get my daughter up from her nap, give her lunch, pick up my older two from school, make supper, bath time, read to my kids, bedtime, wash dishes, pack lunches, sleep and start it all again tomorrow.

What was the best surprise you ever received?

Pampers-The Superior Diaper

I was recently disgusted by the price of Pampers diapers, a necessity for my 15 month old baby girl. The amount of money I have spent on Pampers over the past 8 years would easily buy me a small car...or at minimum, a vacation some place tropical.

So, I decided to try a competitors diaper. They are significantly less money and made by a company that I have highly respected in the past. On day 1, the diaper leaked and by day 3, my daughter had developed a rash so extreme that she screamed when she sat down. It was absolutely devastating. Needless to say, I spent the small fortune it cost to return to Pampers immediately. Four days later, her little bottom is 100% cleared up and dry 100% of the time.

I sacrificed quality to save a few bucks, but I won't make that mistake twice. This other company should be so ashamed to have this completely inferior product on their shelves, and on the bottoms of their customer's children. These other diapers feel rough, thicker and I assume less comfortable. They leak with minimal usage and cause extreme diaper rash almost immediately. 

I find it so upsetting that the things we 'need' in life are so over priced. The price of toilet paper, diapers, tampons and garbage bags should be regulated. These companies can charge whatever they want because we depend on their products. The prices are so exorbitant we try desperately to save money and turn to lower quality brands that simply don't do the trick. These companies have us trapped.

So, to Pampers I say; Thank you for making such superior quality diapers. Now can you please make them $10 cheaper per package so us average folks can afford them? Thanks