Choose Joy

Just finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Not this" post. It's exactly what I needed to read.

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you know it's just not right? Whether it's your job, your circle of friends, your relationship, etc...you just know, for whatever reason, you are not where you are meant to be.

What matters is how you handle this situation. Do you just quit the job? Leave the friends? Get divorced? Or do you make a plan first? The point is, do SOMETHING. Change SOMETHING. We get out of the world what we put into it. So if we are miserable, we get misery.

Life shouldn't be all about hating our jobs, feeling frustrated in "friendships" and insecure in our relationships. There should be joy. Find joy. Search for joy until you have it.

Life isn't perfect. We are not in search of perfection, but we should be in search of a little joy.

A Little Martimer Venting

Living in the Maritimes, for some of us anyway, means working your hardest and only just paying the bills. It means working 60+ hour work weeks and still not always coming out ahead. Do we have a wonderful quality of life here in other ways? Yes! BUT we pay dearly for it. Our food costs more, our rent or mortgages are high and we get paid less. This is why people move out West, and elsewhere. Living in the Maritimes, unless you have a specialty profession, is hard. It's a sacrifice.

Raising my kids here is why I make this sacrifice. They live in a beautiful province. They go on adventures throughout this beautiful province and discover its' diversity constantly. In my opinion, that element of their lives is crucial and irreplaceable.

I have this silly dream that I'll win the lottery and not have to worry constantly about money. I'm told you have to buy tickets to win though. Go figure.

So, for now, I will work my 2.5 jobs and hope and pray that things get better here...for everyone. The sad reality is that the current government won't be what gets us there....but I'll save that rant for another day.

Bullying in Schools

If your child is viewed as "different", for whatever reason, school life is going to be hard. People are going to prey on their differences, their weaknesses and say and do mean things to make themselves feel better about themselves. As a parent, your heart will break a little, a lot, every time your child comes home with a distressed look on their face. If you're lucky, your child will reach out to you. Listen. Listen to every single word they say and take it seriously, because to them, it is serious.

Bullying can come in many forms. Sometimes it's verbal. Do not brush this one off. Verbal abuse is as damaging, if not more so, than physical. Physical abuse can be as simple as a shove in the hall. In this day in age, one of the most common is the cowardly action of cyber-bullying. Our kids are growing up in an age where nothing is private and reactions can go "viral" in seconds. There is also something called "Relational" bullying, which my son has been victim to, but I never knew the term. Relational bullying is when other kids deliberately exclude a child, or children from an activity or group.

One thing I have found the hardest in dealing with these child-bullies is actually not the child at all. It's the parents who think their child walks on water. "Oh little Johnny isn't a bully. He lets everything roll off his back. He thought your child would do that same. I didn't know your child was soooo sensitive." I could just scream! Yes, my child is sensitive when it comes to incessant name calling and bullying. Is my child perfect? Nope! Does my child do things that are displeasing at times? Absolutely! I do not have my blinders on when it comes to my kids. They are flawed humans...we all are. It's these cocky kids, who think they're entitled to everything, who grow up to have really, crucially poor judgement. They are, in my opinion, a danger to the average child.

Schools say they have a zero tolerance policy to this type of behaviour, but it couldn't be further from the truth. Kids treat other kids horribly and get away with it every single day. Sometimes the kids aren't bringing it to their teacher's attention, because they're embarrassed or scared...but sometimes they bring it to the attention of the school and nothing more is done than a simple, "Were you mean? Yes. Don't do it again. Ok." That simply isn't enough! Our kids need to know that the adults in their lives are there to help and protect them for these bullies.

Today I feel so angry for my child. I feel like I should be doing more and helping more. For now, I will love him like crazy and make sure he knows his family loves and supports him. My one closing piece of advice is this;Love your kids, but know they do not walk on water. Watch for the signs, good or bad, that something is going on in your child's life and help them through it. We live in a scary, but at times wonderful, world. Pay attention.

Friendship Isn't About Who You've Known The Longest...

Growing up I always felt like I was on the outside of the group. I was friends with all the "cool" kids, but never ever felt at home. As an adult, I haven't maintained a true friendship with any of those people and it's abundantly clear why. They were not my "people". They were not my true friends...not even close.

As an adult, it has taken me many years to find my place. I always told myself that I didn't need friends and that my family was enough. Don't get me wrong, I have an incredible family, but everyone needs a friend or two.

I would go to the "Mommy & Me" groups and feel like a fraud. I would go places with people, who were actively trying to be my friends, and I would feel sad. I wasn't experiencing social anxiety, I was just acutely aware of not feeling like myself amidst these people. I would come off as shy, when really I just felt deeply out of place. I didn't want to only talk about breast feeding all day. I didn't want to talk about mommy issues all day. I wanted to be surrounded by people who remembered that although being a mother is likely our greatest achievement, there was more to talk about than eco-friendly diapers and co-sleeping.

I am saddened to think that many of us, sometimes me too, live in a constant state of "junior high". Women can be so cruel. The gossiping and chatter doesn't end in junior high, it continues and follows us through life. The judging, the criticisms....why can't women just lift each other up and see the good in each other?! How often do you hear a woman say that she prefers to hang out with men? TOO OFTEN! It is because men are simple. They address their issues and move on. Sometimes that may simply involve a shoulder shrug, or maybe some choice words...but the point is that they deal and move on. Women bottle their issues, let them fester and then explode...or implode. I am OVER IT!

Fast forward to my 30's and I have finally found my crew; a group of incredible, relateable, strong, real women. Women who are themselves when we hangout. Women who are wonderful mothers, and share stories of their children, but also know there is more in their lives than whether or not little Johnny has a diaper rash. Women who are supportive of each other's aspirations and lift each other up instead of knocking each other down. Women who are there when you need them, but know when to give you space, and women who are confident enough in your friendship that they don't need to hound you daily with the need for validation. Now don't get me wrong, having such amazing women-friends takes work, but they are so worth it!

We dance together, we laugh together and sometimes we cry together...while laughing or dancing...but the point is, we are ourselves together. What a gift true friendship is! I never would have thought I'd find it as an adult...or ever really, but here it is.

My last words of semi-wisdom are these: Don't settle, in any aspect of your life. If your friends don't feel right to you, it's because they aren't. I believe, very strongly, that there are people out there for all of us. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find them. Listen to your inner voice. He/she knows what they're talking about!

One Proud Mama

Have you ever had a moment where you are just so incredibly proud of your children that the emotions you're having feel too big to contain? I experienced that tonight and as much as I tried to find the words to express this to my kids...no words felt like enough. 

We pitched a business idea, at an event like Shark Tank, as a family, and did not win. We worked so hard on the pitch and my kids were so genuinely thrilled to partake in the event...they were so confident in us and certain we would win. They sat patiently for an hour before our turn, and another half hour after our turn until the winner was announced.  They were so proud of themselves, and of me. When the winner was called, a lovely man making innovative water-buffalo mozzerella (yes, this is a thing) , and it wasn't us, my 4 year old instantly headed for the door. She was so disappointed. I think I was more disappointed for her than I was for me...but I've done some thinking and realize they learned a valuable lesson. Even when you try really hard, and do an incredible job at something, you don't always win. This doesn't mean that you give up though. So we will try, try again and pitch our idea again next month. 

I must also mention that my 4 year old did a little ad lib in our pitch and was clearly the star of the show. I was so proud of her thoughtful comments that I pushed back a proud tear that tried to sneak out. 

For now, I am going to continue feeling fiercely proud of my kids for all of their hard work and bravery...and then it's back to the drawing board for an improved idea!

Turning my dream into a realty...I hope!

I am a dreamer, a thinker, a creator. I am constantly thinking up business ideas and how I can put them into action. Thus far, other than the occasional handmade craft, I have never actually put any of my ideas into action...until now.

Very recently, at my current job, a lady walked in and asked my advice on selling her business. I could hardly believe the feeling that came over me, all at once. It was like I was having a full body reaction to what I was hearing. This business is a gym and I am a Registered Holistic Nutrition Consultant. I have been a member at this gym before and often fantasized about all that it could become if I was able to get in there. I would turn it into a Wellness Centre, with elements that would be applicable to the whole community. It would be more than a gym and more like a destination for health and happiness. I feel so strongly about this en devour that I struggle to put it into words, but anyone who talks to me about it sees and feels the passion I have for this new adventure.

But here's the kicker. Since I am currently seasonally employed, banks don't want to give me a loan. Since my idea isn't an advancement in technology, an export or about mass job creation, the centre doesn't fall into any grant's criteria. Now, if I was established in my business, for at least two years, then grants apply and then banks will give me a loan...but how am I ever supposed to get to that stage?!

As an educated, hardworking, mother of three I am not a good risk for the bank...apparently. My business plan is in place and so solid. My ideas are the right ones. My vision will benefit many...but that isn't enough. My current job is only six months of the year! My new business would keep me employed all year long!

Where I live, the people who succeed are the ones who make success happen themselves. There is very little job opportunity, unless you create it yourself, but how can you do it without money?! Whoever created the concept of money anyway? All it does is create problems, hold us back, separate the classes, create poverty and greed... I'm getting off track here.

To make a long story short. I have a dream and I am working so hard to make it my realty, but it sure isn't easy!

To learn more about my story, check out my Go Fund Me campaign  here . I am asking for prayers, vibes and/or monetary contributions. People with dreams and ambition should be able to make them come true!

My Gluten-Free Girly

For the past few years, my daughter has complained of belly pains. At first we thought it was normal kid complaints, until it became something much more than that.

What started off as seemingly minor belly aches, developed into something so painful that my daughter would thrash around in her sleep, crying. It was awful. This landed us in emerg, with bloodwork, x-rays and nothing more than a note to give her Restorolax daily, until things improved. Her pains were always written off as constipation, but not once did a medical doctor suggest what might be the cause of the problem.

The routine of her being "ok", then minor pains starting, then the pain getting worse and then ending up back in emerg, became a regular routine. Every single time, the emerg doctor, our family doctor and a pediatrician, all said "give her Restorolax and she'll be cleaned out in a couple of days". This was true, but then the problem would start all over again and STILL, no one would get into what might be causing this.

After dealing with this serious problem, for longer than I would like to admit, I took matters into my own hands...since we weren't getting anywhere otherwise. I decided to do a food elimination with her. The first obvious choice was to remove gluten and see how she made out.

Initially, we were going to try two weeks completely off gluten and really closely monitor her reaction. Her biggest concern was, "What will I do at birthday parties?! I won't be able to eat any cake!". It struck me as funny that this could be her biggest concern, but at the same time, I felt sad that she was sad.

Do you know how many things gluten is in?! Even things like bouillon has gluten! I discovered this while making her a list of what she could and could not eat, just to make sure we were completely avoiding gluten. Anyway, in only a few shorts days of going gluten-free, her belly pains were gone. Not just improved, but gone. This stupid ingredient had been the culprit for causing my little girl so much pain for years.

My daughter is about a month in to being completely gluten-free. She goes to school with a smile on her face, not a frown because her belly is hurting. She stays in school every day, all week long, because she doesn't have any pains. It feels like such a weight has been lifted and other than bringing her own gluten-free cupcake to parties, there have been very few frustrations for her along the way.

If I have learned anything from this experience, it is this- medical doctors would benefit greatly from taking Holistic Nutrition studies during their medical degree. If their solutions to problems were more than just a band-aid approach, I feel confident that we would have a much healthier, happier population. Finally, mom sometimes DOES know best.