Friendship Isn't About Who You've Known The Longest...

Growing up I always felt like I was on the outside of the group. I was friends with all the "cool" kids, but never ever felt at home. As an adult, I haven't maintained a true friendship with any of those people and it's abundantly clear why. They were not my "people". They were not my true friends...not even close.

As an adult, it has taken me many years to find my place. I always told myself that I didn't need friends and that my family was enough. Don't get me wrong, I have an incredible family, but everyone needs a friend or two.

I would go to the "Mommy & Me" groups and feel like a fraud. I would go places with people, who were actively trying to be my friends, and I would feel sad. I wasn't experiencing social anxiety, I was just acutely aware of not feeling like myself amidst these people. I would come off as shy, when really I just felt deeply out of place. I didn't want to only talk about breast feeding all day. I didn't want to talk about mommy issues all day. I wanted to be surrounded by people who remembered that although being a mother is likely our greatest achievement, there was more to talk about than eco-friendly diapers and co-sleeping.

I am saddened to think that many of us, sometimes me too, live in a constant state of "junior high". Women can be so cruel. The gossiping and chatter doesn't end in junior high, it continues and follows us through life. The judging, the criticisms....why can't women just lift each other up and see the good in each other?! How often do you hear a woman say that she prefers to hang out with men? TOO OFTEN! It is because men are simple. They address their issues and move on. Sometimes that may simply involve a shoulder shrug, or maybe some choice words...but the point is that they deal and move on. Women bottle their issues, let them fester and then explode...or implode. I am OVER IT!

Fast forward to my 30's and I have finally found my crew; a group of incredible, relateable, strong, real women. Women who are themselves when we hangout. Women who are wonderful mothers, and share stories of their children, but also know there is more in their lives than whether or not little Johnny has a diaper rash. Women who are supportive of each other's aspirations and lift each other up instead of knocking each other down. Women who are there when you need them, but know when to give you space, and women who are confident enough in your friendship that they don't need to hound you daily with the need for validation. Now don't get me wrong, having such amazing women-friends takes work, but they are so worth it!

We dance together, we laugh together and sometimes we cry together...while laughing or dancing...but the point is, we are ourselves together. What a gift true friendship is! I never would have thought I'd find it as an adult...or ever really, but here it is.

My last words of semi-wisdom are these: Don't settle, in any aspect of your life. If your friends don't feel right to you, it's because they aren't. I believe, very strongly, that there are people out there for all of us. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find them. Listen to your inner voice. He/she knows what they're talking about!

One Proud Mama

Have you ever had a moment where you are just so incredibly proud of your children that the emotions you're having feel too big to contain? I experienced that tonight and as much as I tried to find the words to express this to my kids...no words felt like enough. 

We pitched a business idea, at an event like Shark Tank, as a family, and did not win. We worked so hard on the pitch and my kids were so genuinely thrilled to partake in the event...they were so confident in us and certain we would win. They sat patiently for an hour before our turn, and another half hour after our turn until the winner was announced.  They were so proud of themselves, and of me. When the winner was called, a lovely man making innovative water-buffalo mozzerella (yes, this is a thing) , and it wasn't us, my 4 year old instantly headed for the door. She was so disappointed. I think I was more disappointed for her than I was for me...but I've done some thinking and realize they learned a valuable lesson. Even when you try really hard, and do an incredible job at something, you don't always win. This doesn't mean that you give up though. So we will try, try again and pitch our idea again next month. 

I must also mention that my 4 year old did a little ad lib in our pitch and was clearly the star of the show. I was so proud of her thoughtful comments that I pushed back a proud tear that tried to sneak out. 

For now, I am going to continue feeling fiercely proud of my kids for all of their hard work and bravery...and then it's back to the drawing board for an improved idea!

Turning my dream into a realty...I hope!

I am a dreamer, a thinker, a creator. I am constantly thinking up business ideas and how I can put them into action. Thus far, other than the occasional handmade craft, I have never actually put any of my ideas into action...until now.

Very recently, at my current job, a lady walked in and asked my advice on selling her business. I could hardly believe the feeling that came over me, all at once. It was like I was having a full body reaction to what I was hearing. This business is a gym and I am a Registered Holistic Nutrition Consultant. I have been a member at this gym before and often fantasized about all that it could become if I was able to get in there. I would turn it into a Wellness Centre, with elements that would be applicable to the whole community. It would be more than a gym and more like a destination for health and happiness. I feel so strongly about this en devour that I struggle to put it into words, but anyone who talks to me about it sees and feels the passion I have for this new adventure.

But here's the kicker. Since I am currently seasonally employed, banks don't want to give me a loan. Since my idea isn't an advancement in technology, an export or about mass job creation, the centre doesn't fall into any grant's criteria. Now, if I was established in my business, for at least two years, then grants apply and then banks will give me a loan...but how am I ever supposed to get to that stage?!

As an educated, hardworking, mother of three I am not a good risk for the bank...apparently. My business plan is in place and so solid. My ideas are the right ones. My vision will benefit many...but that isn't enough. My current job is only six months of the year! My new business would keep me employed all year long!

Where I live, the people who succeed are the ones who make success happen themselves. There is very little job opportunity, unless you create it yourself, but how can you do it without money?! Whoever created the concept of money anyway? All it does is create problems, hold us back, separate the classes, create poverty and greed... I'm getting off track here.

To make a long story short. I have a dream and I am working so hard to make it my realty, but it sure isn't easy!

To learn more about my story, check out my Go Fund Me campaign  here . I am asking for prayers, vibes and/or monetary contributions. People with dreams and ambition should be able to make them come true!

My Gluten-Free Girly

For the past few years, my daughter has complained of belly pains. At first we thought it was normal kid complaints, until it became something much more than that.

What started off as seemingly minor belly aches, developed into something so painful that my daughter would thrash around in her sleep, crying. It was awful. This landed us in emerg, with bloodwork, x-rays and nothing more than a note to give her Restorolax daily, until things improved. Her pains were always written off as constipation, but not once did a medical doctor suggest what might be the cause of the problem.

The routine of her being "ok", then minor pains starting, then the pain getting worse and then ending up back in emerg, became a regular routine. Every single time, the emerg doctor, our family doctor and a pediatrician, all said "give her Restorolax and she'll be cleaned out in a couple of days". This was true, but then the problem would start all over again and STILL, no one would get into what might be causing this.

After dealing with this serious problem, for longer than I would like to admit, I took matters into my own hands...since we weren't getting anywhere otherwise. I decided to do a food elimination with her. The first obvious choice was to remove gluten and see how she made out.

Initially, we were going to try two weeks completely off gluten and really closely monitor her reaction. Her biggest concern was, "What will I do at birthday parties?! I won't be able to eat any cake!". It struck me as funny that this could be her biggest concern, but at the same time, I felt sad that she was sad.

Do you know how many things gluten is in?! Even things like bouillon has gluten! I discovered this while making her a list of what she could and could not eat, just to make sure we were completely avoiding gluten. Anyway, in only a few shorts days of going gluten-free, her belly pains were gone. Not just improved, but gone. This stupid ingredient had been the culprit for causing my little girl so much pain for years.

My daughter is about a month in to being completely gluten-free. She goes to school with a smile on her face, not a frown because her belly is hurting. She stays in school every day, all week long, because she doesn't have any pains. It feels like such a weight has been lifted and other than bringing her own gluten-free cupcake to parties, there have been very few frustrations for her along the way.

If I have learned anything from this experience, it is this- medical doctors would benefit greatly from taking Holistic Nutrition studies during their medical degree. If their solutions to problems were more than just a band-aid approach, I feel confident that we would have a much healthier, happier population. Finally, mom sometimes DOES know best.

Anxiety? Me?! Well....ya.

Last week, while wasting way too much time reading junk on Facebook, I read something that has completely changed my perspective...of myself.

It wasn't so much the portion about depression, it was the part about anxiety. As much as I know I'm a worrier, I never stopped to examine just exactly how much my worrying, or anxiety, effects every single element of my life.

I care so much about everything and everyone. I'm a people pleaser, in the extreme. I'm a perfectionist. I function best when things are tidy, uncluttered and chaos-free...which is hilarious, since I have three kids. I'm indecisive...well...ya....I'm indecisive. I'm cautious, to the point where I let it hold me back. I embarrass easily, but I'm an excellent public speaker. I want friends, but when people try to befriend me, I'm standoffish. I'm definitely my own worst enemy.

I have had more business ideas over the past 10 years than a whole family could ever come up with in a lifetime, yet I do nothing about them...and then inevitably, six months later, someone has seemingly stolen my incredible idea and become an instant success. I'm creative, imaginative, thoughtful and am over flowing with common sense.

All of that said, this stupid anxiety holds me back! I don't use my French very often, because I hate the thought that people are judging my lack of French accent. I don't join Zumba (which I LOVE) because I'm not very coordinated and hate the thought of people making fun of my klutziness. I have wanted to take singing lessons for years, but the idea of singing one-on-one with someone makes me feel uncomfortable just thinking about it. I don't start any one of my business ideas because I'm afraid of failing...I also need a huge loan, that I'm afraid of getting rejected on. Geesh.

The sad part is, unless you have anxiety, you'll read this and think that if I just worked up a little courage, I could push through all of this crap. If only it were that simple. I can't stress enough, that anxiety is at the very root of my being. It is there, all the time, even when it seems like it's not.

They say the first step is acknowledging you have a problem. Thanks to some post on Facebook, that I was clearly meant to read, I've at least acknowledged that I'm not simply an excessive, over the top worrier...there's more to it, and sadly, it runs in my family.

I'm sitting here, staring at the computer screen, trying to think of a "second step" to working on my anxiety and have to laugh at myself. I thought about heading out and trying something new, to challenge myself, but got concerned the roads might be icy (it's sunny and above freezing) and decided to stay in. Ha! Well, I guess it'll be harder than I thought.

To those who can relate, even a little to this jumble, at least we're not alone.

Leave Your Problems at Home

I work in customer service. In one way or another, I have worked in customer service since I was 15 years old. Part of my job, and actually an important part, is to leave my personal problems at home and put on my game face for the people I serve. The people who visit my work are on vacation and they don't need to be burdened with my bad day/mood. Is it too much to expect similar treatment when I'm out shopping, eating at a restaurant or even dealing with a realtor? No.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day, week, month or year, but when you come to work, you put your best foot forward and provide a positive experience for your guest/client/customer. When people are out and about, they are often escaping their own problems for a few minutes, so don't burden them with yours. Help make their experience an enjoyable one and hopefully others will do the same for you.

I am not a heartless person. In fact, I am quite the opposite. If anything, I care too much, but if you can't provide quality customer service everyday that you show up for work, you are in the wrong industry.

Life is hard and work can be challenging, but no customer should be punished for your bad day. Be kind. Be patient. Good customer service goes a long. The word of bad customer service spreads like wild fire.

My Favourite Restaurant

For 22 years, I have had a favourite restaurant. At a quick glance, you might not be able to tell how awesome it is there, but as soon as your server greets you, something becomes quickly clear: You are in the presence of greatness.

It has changed in décor from when I first started going. In fact, it has shortened it's name in that time as well. It used to have all wooden furniture and a classic laundromat board on the wall for the business, The Missing Sock, that used to be downstairs. Now, and for many years actually, the downstairs in an extension of my favourite restaurant and the retro laundromat board is no longer there. So really, I can't complain about my favourite restaurant having more seating than it used to.

What do they serve at said restaurant, you ask? Beautiful salads, award winning, creative burgers wraps and so much more! For 22 years, with possibly 2-3 exceptions ever, I have been ordering The Original Pita Club and in 22 years, it hasn't changed a bit. It may sound like a simple dish, but let me tell you, it is absolutely perfect! Real roasted turkey, bacon, romaine lettuce, tomato, cheddar cheese and mayonnaise, all rolled up in a whole wheat wrap. I usually order their special potato wedges, but regular fries, sweet potato fries and side salads are an option as well. Mouth is watering...

22 years ago, I first stepped foot into this restaurant almost by chance, as my Mom and I were out for one of our great walks. We didn't know at the time that it would prove to be a restaurant we would go back to for years to come. Years later, I would eat there with my university boyfriend, while our laundry washed and dried downstairs. Now, married with 3 kids, we go as a family. It has become a meeting ground for my family and friends and I do not step into the city without eating there. I couldn't. I would feel like my visit was incomplete.

I must not forget to mention their staff. Although there has been some turnover of course, in the 22 years I have been going there, one thing remains as true now as it was then: their staff is excellent! They are genuinely friendly, patient and kind. Whoever does the hiring there does an incredible job on finding these talented people to join their team.

Another kind of neat fact about Darrell's is you never know who you might bump into when you eat there. It happens to be a favourite spot for Big Brother Canada Season 1, couple Emmett Blois and Jillian MacLaughlin. They even bring other cast members there when they visit.

So, now, the big finale!!! This perfect restaurant, aka Darrell's, and formerly known as My Other Brother Darrell's, can be found at 5576 Fenwick St., in Halifax, Nova Scotia. If you haven't been, make a point to go! Everything they serve is delicious, but promise me you'll start with The Original Pita Club. You will not regret it!



#darrellsresto #halifaxresto #theoriginalpitaclub #foodie