Tuesday's Rant

I would never say that I am perfect, but I can honestly tell you that I actively try to be a good person. I am honest, caring, thoughtful, smart on occasion, considerate...I am what I think everyone SHOULD be...and often aren't. But my questions for you is, am I expecting too much of people? Am I TOO nice?

Don't get me wrong, I have another side too...but don't we all? My extreme honesty is either what you love or what you hate about me. Some people can't handle the truth. I am a people pleaser, to a fault, but it's only because I like to see people happy. Is there something so wrong with that?

I organize a Christmas shopping event for children. All items are donated and set up like a shop where kids can buy gifts for their families at very minimal cost. All proceeds go to a local charity that helps children, whose families couldn't otherwise afford it, participate in sports and various other activities. Out of a few hundred families, there are a very few number of people who present problems for this event. The problems tend to be issues of greediness and feelings of entitlement. I really struggle with this. I organize this wonderful event entirely by myself, so when issues arise, I find them that much harder to swallow. I am doing this out of the kindness of my heart, but people will always find something to complain about. There will always be those few people who ruin it for everyone else.

Someone reminded me tonight that out of 300 smiling faces, only maybe 4 or 5 had anything remotely negative to say...but why are the negative comments the ones that stay with you? By letting these people get to me the way they do I've let them win. I've let them ruin my evening and my time is far too precious. Life is too short for negative people.

Thanks, Mom, for venting with me for an hour tonight. Amazing how at 32 years of age there is no better remedy than a good chat with my Mom or Dad. xo

Night, all!

I love my kids more than everything else!

I love my kids more than absolutely anything. Last night I was reminded just exactly how deeply that impacts on my everything.

A month and a half ago, my husband took a teaching job out of province. I stayed behind with my three kids to sell our house. It has taken much longer than we expected to get things in order. It is a buyer's market to the extreme right now and things just aren't moving. So, my husband comes home when he can, but not nearly as much as we'd like. He doesn't have a car there, so he can only come when he can catch a ride with someone. My kids have been really great about it...until yesterday.

After an incredible family weekend, we drove my husband to meet up with his ride back to where he's currently working. We all said our good-byes and as I started to pull away, I could hear my son sniffling. He's 7 years old and thinks he's tough as nails, so I knew this was serious. I immediately pulled over and asked him what was wrong. "I miss Daddy already, Mommy." This one small sentence broke my heart in two. It was quickly followed with a, "I wish we could keep Daddy here forever" from my 5 year old daughter. Cue the tears. So, I did what any good mother would do. I backed up, got Daddy's attention and let them each give him one more huge hug before he left. It helped...a little.

The first week he was gone, I was a complete emotional wreck. I can honestly say that I let myself sink into the darkest hole I have ever entered...but overtime, things have gotten easy. I have a routine and it works like a charm. I dare say that I have mastered being a "single" Mom to my three wild children. But just when I think I have it all together, my kids yank on my heart strings and I turn into a blubbering mess.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, but in this particular case, that "reason" is yet to present itself. I want my kids to see their Daddy every single day. I want them to have breakfast with him, walk our dog with him, eat supper and talk about their day with him. I'm tired of being a "single" Mom just because our house won't sell. 

I will not give up. Loving my kids is enough to keep me going...even on the days when the oldest two are fighting, the baby is teething and someone has mysteriously peed all over the bathroom floor. I love them when they get chocolate ice cream all over their new clothes, lose their homework and "accidentally" gouge me in the eye with their little fingers. I would do anything for them. I just need to find a new family to love our house as much as we have so that we can have our family back together permanently. Seems simple enough, right?

Bring it on, buyers! My kids need their Daddy and so do I! 

Clarity Needed

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, that every person you meet enters your life when they are supposed to...but why can't the reasons for everything be more clear?? I have never been more unclear about where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing ever before. I need some clarity!

To rent or not to rent? That is the question.

Have you ever rented out your house??

It is currently a buyer's market, to the extreme, where I live. With an aging population, more and more people are selling their homes and moving into apartments and condos, leaving many more houses on the market than there are buyers.

So what do you do? Do you sell your house at a loss or do you rent it out?

I have so many concerns about renting. The thing that plagues me most is- what if the tenants all of a sudden move out and we're stuck with a mortgage payment we can't afford?

Out of the few people I know currently renting their homes, only one is having a positive experience. Ugh.

I need advice from someone who doesn't know me personally.

Bring it on! Thank you in advance. :)

WARNING- Disturbing content. Abortion.

I seriously debated whether or not to write this post. This is an incredibly sensitive subject matter, but I am too horrified to not share my thoughts.

Where I currently live, women are allowed to have abortions up to 24 weeks pregnant. I have friends with children who were born around that time...so I can say with 100% confidence that a 24 week old fetus is visibly a completely formed human being that feels everything.

Please don't misunderstand me, I am pro choice. I understand that there are unthinkable situations where a woman should have the right to choose to abort her pregnancy, but it should happen before the baby is considered a fetus, so before 9 weeks.

It is devastating to me that some women use abortions in place of birth control. That innocent lives are thrown away so carelessly. Many women struggle to get pregnant, while others get pregnant by accident and terminate their pregnancies without batting an eyelash.

Some women abort perfectly healthy babies that would require minor plastic surgery after birth. There are so many people who would have loved those babies just exactly as they were. Others abort because they don't want kids, don't want more kids, are too young or too old. The list goes on...But how many reasons are really legitimate, justifiable reasons to terminate a life?

In some cases, the mothers have ultrasound pictures before aborting. Sometimes they hold their babies before they die, after the baby comes out crying. I don't understand this. Why bond with the child you have chosen to abort?  *Please don't misunderstand. I am not referring to pregnancies where the the fetus had to be aborted for medical reasons for either the baby or the mother.

Life is so precious. There are so many families who would love these babies. So many families who spend their lives trying to find a child to love.

How can we let abortions take place so far along in a pregnancy? How can we let women have multiple abortions? I doubt the day will come when a woman's right to bare children is taken from her...but where is the line drawn? A woman should not be legally allowed to have multiple abortions.

I do not write this to hurt or offend. I most certainly understand that there are circumstances in which an abortion may be the only choice...but when abortions are used as repeated birth control, our legal system should intervene.

Ban the burka?

Is anyone else struggling with all of this "ban the burka" talk?

I am 100% supportive of people from all different race and religions moving into Canada, but I do not support the belief that moving here means giving up your heritage and conforming. As long as your beliefs are not harmful to yourself or the people around you, you should be able to practice whatever you want.

If wearing a burka is within your belief system, you should not be asked to do otherwise. That being said, I do not agree with the facial covering, purely for matters of security. I think in most cases, this has nothing to do with a security issue, but an issue of people's discomfort with things outside of their norm. It's incredibly sad that "different" makes people uncomfortable.

We should be embracing and welcoming "different". We should be eager to learn about "different", not force them to conform to what we consider right. Whether they speak differently, dress differently, believe differently is their right as human beings.

How often people forget that different isn't better or worse, good or bad...It is just DIFFERENT!

1st Day of School

When you have your first child, every single person you encounter tells you how fast the time will pass and before you know it, they'll be starting school. Well, I'm here to tell you...they are right!

When my son started kindergarten, 2 years ago, I thought I would cry. I thought I would have such a hard time letting go of his tiny little hand and sending him off into the world. When we arrived at his classroom, he was so excited to finally start school, and so ready to be there in every way, I didn't cry. Instead, I was incredibly happy for him and proud of his enthusiasm and bravery. I guess I did something right with him. It was one of many proud moments I have had with him. This past week, he entered grade 2 with the same enthusiasm and bravery as when he started kindergarten. Love that kid.

Today, my daughter started kindergarten. She has wanted to go to school since her big brother started. She looks up to him and wants to do everything he does. I think she was most excited to have recess and eat lunch at school like he does. She's still so sweet...so much of the time. I have to admit though, she's a bit of a diva, which is hilarious since I'm far from it. Last night after her bath she had me change her earrings (to match her backpack), paint her nails "patterned and sparkly", spray protector on her new pink boots, lay out her outfit, set her sequin backpack by the front door and check the weather to make sure she wore the right jacket. Who is this kid? I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl...so this is totally foreign to me. My husband says she's the girl I want to be, but shy away from it. He might be right. Lastly, before she went to sleep, she hollered out to me, "Don't forget, tonight you have to pack two lunches!" She loves that I'll be packing both her and her brother lunches now.

Again, like with my son, I didn't cry when I dropped her off this morning. Instead, I smiled and felt my heart warm. I'm so proud of my kids!

So now, it's just me and my 11 month old. I will miss my big kids so much, but at the same time, I'm so happy for them both. They need their own friends, their own time and space and own experiences. My daughter needs to make her own choices, instead of always choosing what her big brother does. I know they're both going to be great!

Now it's time to make plans for me and the little miss. I think she'll start with a nap and I might kick back and relax. This might be a first!