Common Sense

Kids Experience Stress Too

How often do we look at our kids and think to ourselves, or even speak the words out loud, "You have it so easy, kid!" We look at these miniature humans and assume that they experience little to no daily stress because all they do all day is run around and play. Although they aren't dealing with the same sort of stressors that we as adults are it doesn't mean that they don't feel equally concerned or stressed about whatever issues they are faced with. We might feel stressed about paying the bills or our relationships, while they're feeling stressed about trying out for a sports team, being bullied or what outfit to wear to school.

What is worse is that we often take our stress out on our kids without even realizing it. How many times have you completely overreacted to your child spilling their cereal or tripping over their untied shoe laces? Our stress rubs off on our kids and affects their day just as much as ours. Make sure you let your kids know when you're having a bad day, so they don't take it personally. A simple, "I'm sorry I'm so grumpy. I'm having a bad day", can go a long way with a child's interpretation of your mood.

Try not to belittle their stress or reactions. When they have a complete and total melt down over a friend not playing with them at recess, hear them out. Talk to them about it. Make sure that they know you care and that you're there to listen. Their stress, although sometimes seemingly over the top, is as important to them as bigger issues are to us. Try and remember what it felt like to be a kid and how traumatic even the smallest issues felt.

If your child's mood or behaviour has taken a sudden turn for the worse, really sit back and consider the whole picture. Even the smallest change in their routine can cause stress in their lives. Did a parent's work schedule change? Have you been too busy for story time? No change is too small to upset a child. We are less likely to be stumped by their reactions when the change is more significant, like a new baby in the family, parents separating or moving. We forget how big the little things are to a child.

No one is perfect...most certainly not me, but we can do things to decrease the level of stress in our kid's lives. They will have much bigger issues to face as they get older, so lets not burden them by taking out our stress on them. Give them a break. They have enough to deal with already.

WE must not lose faith...

YOU are your own worst enemy

Boston Tragedy

Since the tragic event at the Boston Marathon I can’t help but think of my own family. How many times have we been at the finish line when my husband has competed in a race? How many times have my kids stood there innocently cheering Daddy on?

When I learned that one of the 3 people who died, as a result of the bombs, was an 8 year old boy, just one year older than my son, the whole situation hit me on a much more person level. An innocent child died, while likely waiting for a friend or family member to cross that finish line. It should have been a joyous event and instead it became a horrific tragedy.

How can we have any piece of mind anymore in taking our children anywhere? They aren’t safe at school, in movie theatres and now at marathons. How can we have any piece of mind when there are people out there who will commit these unthinkable crimes?

I want to find the light in the darkness and focus on the incredible people who have come forward and helped in whatever way they could following this tragedy...but I find myself feeling very concerned for the future of the world my children live in. I find myself wondering what kind of person packs nails and random shrapnel into pressure cookers , with the obvious intent of killing innocent people, and then sets them off at the Boston Marathon. What went so wrong in their lives that they chose the dark side and not life?

My thoughts and prayers are with Boston, the families of the 3 people who passed away, the other 170 or more people who were injured and also all of the physically unharmed, but mentally scarred people who were present at the marathon. This event won’t soon be forgotten.

Posters Around HRM Supporting The Boys that Raped Rehtaeh Parsons

At 7:40am this morning, Rehtaeh Parson’s family found posters around their neighbourhood supporting the boys who allegedly raped her, claiming that there are two sides to every story. These signs were strategically placed around Cole Harbour, downtown Halifax and most upsettingly, up and down the Parson’s street. Her family has suffered enough and will continue to grieve this terrible loss as long as they live. Who would do this to them?! Her little sisters saw these signs!

Yes, there are most certainly two sides to every story, but in this particular case, the boys photographed the act and then circulated the photos on the internet and then bragged to their schoolmates. So despite the fact that there may be multiple versions of the events of that night in 2011, there is absolutely no question that four boys did something terrible to a 15 year old girl and robbed her of her youth and ultimately her life. It wasn’t only the rape that plagued Rehtaeh, but the taunting she endured right up until she took her own life last week.

This case, and that of Audrie Pott (a sadly similar case in California), make me seriously question the minds of teenage boys. Do they have no conscious or remorse for their actions? Have they not been taught right from wrong? That no means no? Do they even care that their actions resulted in the death of innocents?

 I feel outraged about every aspect of these cases! From the moment of the rape, to the spreading of the photos, the taunting, the hopeless teens who took their own lives and then the poorly handled investigations...it’s all devastating. The “system” is so flawed.

As a parent of future teenagers, I will do everything in my power to make sure my kids are raised to know better and to respect the life they have been given. We are only in this world for so long. Lets not waste our time here and let us start to make some positive changes. I am tired of all the misery!

I am hoping and praying that our justice system does not fail Rehtaeh and her family and that the boys responsible for this are dealt with. Those boys cannot be left to think that have gotten away with this. It’s as if they’ve gotten away with murder. My heart aches for the Parson’s as they grieve the loss of their 17 year old daughter and have to additionally deal with the horrible people responsible for posting the signs this morning. Thinking of you Parson’s family. I wish things were very, very different.

The Scary World Our Children Live In

We live in a world where it is necessary for even elementary schools to practice “lockdown” drills in school. Using my son’s description, a lockdown drill is “when we practiced hiding in class and being really quiet, in case a bad man ever comes to our school.” How incredibly sad that a 6 year old child even needs to have that thought, let alone practice a drill to prepare for it. Of course I want my kids prepared, but it still breaks my heart.

Not only do our kids have to be aware of “bad men”, but they also have to deal with bullying, from their very own peers, on a daily basis. Where did we go so wrong as a society that bullying seems to be getting worse rather than better? Bullying starts as early as preschool, or daycare. I had naively thought for years that this sort of behaviour only began in middle school. Was I ever wrong.

We need to raise, strong and confident children, kids who respect each other and themselves, kids who know right from wrong. We need to treat them how we want them to treat others. We need to set good examples for them, from day 1 of their lives, so that they grow into kids who stand against bullying, not become a bully.

We need to teach our kids to be accepting and understanding, not just “tolerant”. I don’t want my kids being taught that we simply tolerate differences, I want them to embrace them. They need to know that even though people appear different on the outside that we are all the same on the inside.

We need to teach our boys, from a very young age, to respect girls. We need to teach them that no means no. We need to teach them to not fall into the whole “mob mentality” and how to think for themselves. Could Rehtaeh Parson’s life have  been spared if this lesson had been instilled? Maybe she wouldn’t have been raped by 4 teenage boys if they had a greater respect for women and also a better understanding of their actions.

We need to teach our girls how to defend themselves, protect themselves and stand-up for themselves. We need to educate them about what potential threats are out there and hope to hell that if they are ever faced with a really horrible situation that we have prepared them enough to save themselves.

Our kids need to be able to talk to us. We need to be approachable. If they are in trouble, they need to feel confident that they can come to us...no matter how difficult a situation. We need to be involved in our kids lives and know where they are and who they are spending their time with.

The world is becoming a very scary place, but it’s not too late to change the course we’re on. Change can start with one person, one class, one community. Educate your kids. Give them all of the foundation you can before they are put into the world to face difficult situations on their own. Send them out there knowing you’ve done all that you can. Help make sure not another single child commits suicide because they simply cannot live through another moment of bullying. Help end the heartache.